Pam's last day at work

ANOTHER landmark reached today as my dear wife is currently halfway through her last shift at work before maternity leave.

To say she is both excited to be stopping - no more early mornings for a few weeks and no standing on her feet all day - is an understatement.

But also she is rather sad and a little nervous about going off into the great unknown, you see Pam always has to be at her work, she enjoys holidays yes but she is a worker.

I think it is the fear of the unknown as well, she has never been in this position and perhaps early nerves about becoming a mum?

We are both very excited about welcoming J into the world but nervous as well, understandable for first time parents or just us being silly?

She has made so many wonderful friends, to say they are not colleagues but friends now shows what lovely people they are and I thank them for being the people they are and for being so supportive during her pregnancy.

It's wonderful to think they will be friends beyond Pam's days in the shop, even if she does not go back.

The issue of whether she does or doesn't is totally down to Pam, I have little say in it because call me old fashioned, I think a mum should decide whether to go back to work or not.

She has carried and given birth to J, if she wants to be a SAHM then great, if she wants to go and do a few hours then great too.

It's nothing to do with me! All I hope is she has a rest and does the things she wants to do while on maternity leave

The generosity of others

THIS past weekend has just brought home how loved Pam and I are and to be honest how lucky we are.

My dad has brought us Jacob's cot and the Joie travel system (for all you who love a bit of pram porn there is a picture on this blog) while her parents brought us Jacob's crib, his first bed in the big world.

Added to that the oodles of clothes my cousin has sent us after they had their second boy, the fact they are going to buy the baby monitor and that our families are all giving so generously.

Its blown my mind to be honest, I wanted my dad to rein himself in and took me a while before I understood this is his first grandchild, he's entitled to have a splurge.

Firstly the cot is lovely, as you can see from the pictures it's easy to see why we fell in love with it and a cot bed as well so J is sorted.

Whether it still looks so nice when we get it from flat pack to built in his room is down to my limited DIY skills. Incidentally we had a massive boost as it was a four week wait because it was out of stock when we went to Kiddisave in Walsall on Saturday/

However on Monday I had a phone call....it was in stock and they are holding it for us! A huge weight off my mind!

As for the Joie (no I can't pronounce it either) Chrome travel system, we fell in love with it at the Baby Show and thanks to the lovely staff at Mothercare in Walsall we learned more about it.

Got a cot, car seat and front and rear facing pushchair as a result, it's so easy to operate even Mr Dense here can fold it up in no time!

Just got to get them home now and start assembling them. I know you pram lovers love a good picture or two so yes there will be a blog and maybe ongoing tweets about putting it together.

Man, anyone would think we were having a baby!

A DaddyNatal class to remember

ONE of the highlights of the Baby Show for me was a class by Dean Beaumont, founder of DaddyNatal, classes about pregnancy and birth for dads, by a dad.

Dean has three children and it's clear from the taster session we enjoyed at the Baby Show the full class is geared for blokes and how we can be the very best we can be during labour, birth and beyond.

One of the biggest messages I took away is I cannot fix what might happen, no matter how heavy my desire to do so as a man.

I have to be her advocate and her protector.

ADVOCATE - ensure her 'preferences' are listened to and adhered to (don't do a birth plan fellas, you can't plan childbirth, come up with preferences instead)

PROTECTOR - once the action gets going, protect that carefully crafted environment to ensure oxytocin and endorphins flow naturally while the biggest source of naughty adrenaline (me) basically doesn't exude any!.

It was a fascinating 45 minutes and at the conclusion I spoke to Dean for an article I wrote for the paper I edit which you can read here - http://www.eveshamobserver.co.uk/2014/07/14/news-Picking-up-all-you-need---and-a-lot-of-advice-111619.html

Newspaper articles are forever constained by word limits so I have reproduced the quotes from the interview here

"With the birth of my first, I had done traditional antenatal classes and we went through the birth. It wasn’t a particularly traumatic birth but I came out of it feeling guilty," he told me.

“That then affected the bonding with my son, I then looked at what I had I missed, what had I done wrong and came to the conclusion I hadn’t done anything wrong.

“There was nothing out there to prepare me, from there I went off, did my diploma, did my research and then we started and formed DaddyNatal.”

"It’s all about understanding on how we can best support our families so within the full class we look at the pregnancy, what is happening during the pregnancy, what mum is going through in the pregnancy.

"We look at what us men worry about, what the mums worry about so we get an understanding about that. It’s then on to our role during labour and birth and the post-natally as well we look at the things we have to be aware of and the changes for us and the mum.

“We also do the practical thing like learning how to swaddle, lean about baby wearing. Its all about how all of us make it work together as a family.

“I felt most of the classes I went to was about mum with a little bit thrown in for dad.

“Society has changed and because of this dads have been thrust into the birthing environment but without anyone supporting us to be there.

"Michel Odent came out four years ago and said dads have no place in the delivery room because we can be detrimental and we can be because the adrenillin we can create.

"Therefore if we going to propely support mum we are going to need to properly support dad so he does have a positive effect on the birth and not a negative one.

"We are not there yet, we obviously have different experiences across the country, but it is improving it is getting better but there is still a lot that more that can be done.

"I take it one stage further, I still think brands have a lot to answer for because still within the baby industry brands are very much focused on mums.

"If we had more positive images of dad roles within products it would be more generally accepted that we are talking about a family rather than mum and dad as separate units."

To try and help dads to be like me, I asked Dean for his three top tips to help us get through the biggest change we have ever experienced.

"Firstly, its about preparation, make sure you are prepared, make sure you understand, make sure you have your birth preferences sorted out.

“Secondly, its always about being honest, sometimes as dads if we are criticised we can withdraw, there is no room for withdrawing, we have got to step up, not in a manly way but be prepared to admit if we are unsure or uncertain and look for help.

“Thirdly, at the end of the day just remember we are all on a learning curve but its about our family, forget other people lets focus on what is right for you as a family and make your decisions based n that but always make an informed decision.

I would strongly recommend you buy 'The Expectant Dads Handbook' by the man himself (pic below) because fellas, everything you want to know but afraid to ask is in there in a language we understand!

Fantastic experience and a wonderful opportunity for me to learn from a dad who is clearly passionate about ensuring dads know as much as mums.

Visit www.daddynatal.co.uk for more information

Bumps, babies and bargains at The Baby Show

BUMPS, babies and bargains were all on show as The Baby Show came to Birmingham.

'The best baby products and brands, a fabulous line-up of guest speakers and heaps of family fun all in one place' screams the introduction to the official show guide for the popular Baby Show.

False advertising? Nope. No matter if it's your first or fifth baby, any expectant parent should visit the Baby Show.

When you first find out you are going to be parent, one of the many things which will daunt you is the sheer amount you have to buy for your new bundle of joy.

So what do the organisers of the Baby Show do? Try and get every baby product manufacturer under roof to make the shopping just a little easier.

There was even a race-track in the centre of the hall for you to 'road test' a particular range of pushchairs and travel systems.

All of the big names were in attendance from Tommee Tipee, Cosatto, Britax and Fisher Price to baby care giants Mothercare and Babies R'Us.

There were offers aplenty on all of the stands at prices to suit all pockets - it would not have surprised me if some parents got everything they needed on the day.

For those who truly shopped until they dropped there was even a shop and drop and collect by car service for those bigger purchases.

Guest speakers including Professor Robert Winston, Jo Tantum and Clare Byam-Cook were among those taking to the stage to share their wisdom during the weekend.

A particular highlight though were the classes run by The Natal Family, a family run company helping both mums and dads to be on the journey to parenthood.

Pam enjoyed a relaxing MummyNatal class which focuses on empowering mums-to-be to have the labour and birth they want.

Meanwhile I experienced a DaddyNatal class in the safe hands of Dean Beaumont, father of three and the first male antenatal teacher in the UK.

It was refreshing to be in a room full of dads to be, all of us nervous but instantly reassured by both Dean's own experience and his relaxed style which involves his audience immediately.

I have a whole other blog devoted to a chat with Dean, the original copy of this article was in the Evesham Observer today, therein is the disclaimer as I went to the show on a press ticket.

Visit www.thenatalfamily.co.uk for more information about MummyNatal and DaddyNatal.