A Dad's take on bressure and brelfies

BREAST feeding is back in the news today and apparently now any mum who posts a pic of her breastfeeding has put pressure on those who couldn't for whatever reason.

As a result, the hashtag #bressure has provoked a lot of support from bottle feeding mums who feel pressured into breastfeeding.

Various stories, 'how I was looked down on when I bottlefed' and the like have been posted and frankly it's ridiculous.

As I recall, 'brelfies' rose to prominence because various social media sites were censoring breastfeeding pictures because of all the 'nudity' (god help too much flesh is shown eh)

I don't recall one brelfie with the message 'This is the right and only way and a plague on all those who don't flop their boobs out to nurture their babies'

Why? because it didn't happen. Brelfies were proud mums, sharing those intimate moments with the world.

The same intimate moments can be had with bottle feeding, had this campaign been 'bottlefie' then brilliant, a great way to get the message across that breast or bottle, both are brilliant.

But instead it's back to running down breastfeeding. I've seen the hurt in Pam's eyes when she couldn't get Jacob to feed from her breast. He was lazy, we had all the help possible, lovely supportive midwives, different positions but sometimes it just doesn't work.

But now, nine months on, is she ashamed she couldn't, depressed and pressured if she sees a mum breastfeeding? No, my wife like hundreds of millions of women in the world is proud, proud she carried and birthed a baby. Because whatever the argument, THAT is the greatest accomplishment.

If anyone in your social circle judges you for not being able to breastfeed then maybe you need to rethink your social circle?

I know Pam wouldn't look down on any mum who breastfeeds or bottlefeeds and speaking as a dad, I can't see how any woman could.

Women are given the greatest gift, they can conceive, grow and deliver human life. Frankly, it doesn't matter how they then feed their babies just as long as they do.

We shouldn't judge anyone on either side of this debate, we should instead remember our children are being fed, some aren't.

Surely that's a bigger issue to worry about?

Being a dad - six months on!

SO it’s been six months since we became parents. And the good news is we haven’t damaged Jacob in anyway! I’m sure I wasn't alone in thinking in the delivery room, what if I break him?

But, as with most things in fatherhood you soon realise your worries are just frankly ridiculous!

What it has been has been a voyage of discovery and learning, of sleepless nights and fun-filled days.

Nothing in life can prepare you for the actual job of fatherhood, you can learn lots about babycare but nothing prepares you for the emotional hit of holding your own child.

What have I learned? A load, both about myself, about patience and the joy of baby watching. Come on dads, we have all done it, just stopped and watched how our little ones go about their day.

Jacob is just a delight, especially now at six months where he is babbling away and developing a really funny personality. His favourite trick at the moment appears to be looking all sad at either me or his mum.

When he inevitably gets out attention, the cheeky little scamp either smiles so warmly or turns away quickly with a sudden bout of ‘shyness’.

I’ve also learned nothing really matters, a bad day at work can be resolved the moment you walk through the door.

I have been so blessed that as well as a healthy baby, I have the most fabulous wife, a woman born to be a mother and a true natural. But then again I am biased!!!

From the early days of neither of us knowing what the heck we were doing to now, it’s been a wonderful journey so far, long may it continue.

So for those dads to be, let me share some wisdom. Firstly, be there for the birth and see what you want to see, those precious first seconds will be burned on your memory forever

Secondly, get involved in feeding and nappies: Jacob weed on me not once but twice on his first day in the world,  a badge of honour!

Thirdly, during your paternity leave, make sure you do as much round the house as you can, it’s a good chance to learn something new!

And finally, when your baby and your partner/wife sleep, make sure you do as well or at least chill out on the sofa!

Thank you for the memories son, here’s to so many more

 

Labour's paternity plan is great, but it has to be worthwhile.

THE news this morning that Labour would give new dads four weeks off work after the birth of their baby is very welcome.

Having agonisingly crawled to work two weeks after Jacob was born I would have welcomed another two weeks off, if not just to try and build up the courage to tear myself away from him!

But as many things in politics, a welcome announcement on the surface often becomes less so when you dig down to what we call 'reality'.

Paternity leave is wonderful; two weeks off, the Government pay for it, your annual leave is untouched. Your first two weeks as a daddy are taken care of....

However, when you actually look at what is offered, £138, you soon realise that the devil is indeed in the detail.

I earn roughly £300 a week, meaning had I had two weeks off I would have lost over a week's salary! I'm sure that wasn't the intention when paternity leave was created.

This is not a whinge, far from it, the fact that paternity leave even exists is great and that any contribution from the Government is welcome.

But the moment that little bundle arrives, you immediately think about protecting them and keeping them safe and losing money which could be spent on nappies and the like in the first month is a worry you just don't need.

We are lucky in this country to have fathers of relitavely young children in charge of all three parties, so parenting should remain on the agenda.

Labour have a great idea, it would be great now to see it worked through to ensure new dads aren't forced to use their annual leave.

I don't have the answer, I can only speak as a dad who took one week off the state and one week's annual leave when J was born.

Over to you Mr Miliband!

Why is there a war against dads?

WATCHING your child come into the world is arguably one of the most life-changing events in a man’s life, certainly was for me.

But new research suggests that some fathers should steer clear of the delivery room because they could make the pain of childbirth even worse (!!)

A study by University College London, King's College London and the University of Hertfordshire suggests that women who lack emotional intimacy with their partner experienced more pain if they are on hand.

This 'news' has made the front page of no less than The Times today, what is it with this 'war' on dads?

Surely if we want men to be good dads we need to be involved from the very moment things 'get real'.

We will never experience the aches and pains, the kicks, that wonderful relationship that begins as the tummy expands, surely even the most squeamish men should be allowed to witness the birth of the baby they have helped make?

One minute there is a war against feckless dad who make a woman pregnant and abandon them and the next science is saying actually they shouldn't be there in the first place!

Is there no wonder some men are disconnected from the whole process? Pam would never have accepted me not being in the delivery room. 'Oh I can't cope with seeing her in all that pain' - newsflash it ain't a walk in the park for the mum either!!

No words can adequately express the moment your child arrives into the world. Jacob's entrance will be burned on to my mind forever as will that precious first half an hour cradling this wonderful if messy new arrival.

Instead of banishing dads, let's educate and talk about it. Because the reward is so worth it.

Finding his hands and other wonderful milestones

I WISH someone had told me that as a parent you will share the joy of your baby's discoveries as much as they do.

Jacob is progressing really well, yes he does have baby eczema and yes he has his grumpy moments, especially when its bed time....

But on the whole he is a relaxed and broadly happy little boy who has brought so much joy into Pam and I's lives and that extends to his discoveries.

As well as making more and more sounds and appearing to want a conversation at times (it's ok to babble back at your child isn't it?) he has developed two particular traits which make me smile and at times laugh.

The first is when he is in his chair, we call it the 'standby' mode. Jacob can go from looking around to suddenly disappearing off deep in thought, moving his hands once in a while.

It's like he is learning on the go, pausing his day to reflect on the new experience and then coming back to us.

The most adorable trait though his how much he has embraced discovering his hands. Despite being part of him since his arrival, he really had no call for them.

That was until he realised they could grab, move things and most adorably, held together. Jacob can spend a good 20 minutes a day simply holding his own hands in different ways.

The look of wonder on his face though is a joy to behold, each combination is greeted with a look as if to say 'ohhh right that's pretty funky'.

Never knew grabbing your hands could be so fun. He is even attempting to hold his milk bottle when he being fed now.

His little hands won't stretch to that yet so there is still a use for daddy lol!  

If you find breastfeeding 'offensive' you're a tit

SO it 's been a normal Monday morning, going through my tweets, catching up with e-mails and the like when I stumble across this.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11195373/Facebook-removes-mothers-breastfeeding-photo.html

And to say it makes me angry and spoils my Monday morning is an understatement. I know as a bloke I shouldn't get angry as much but I am fed up reading how people find breastfeeding 'offensive' and how mums are banned from shops for doing it.

For crying out loud it will soon be 2015, can we not as human beings differentiate between breasts being used to feed a hungry little human and basic public nudity. It's not like the poor mum in the story was sitting there with her breasts out with a 'come and have a go on these' look on her face!!!!!!!!.

The same goes for the mums banned/asked to stop feeding in shops, every mum I have encountered breastfeeding does it with varying degrees of privacy, from the full on shawl to a slight turn away or a lift up of a shirt. You see nothing and to be honest if you find it sexual you need your head seeing to, if you find it 'vulgar' then sorry you're a prude.

We went to an NCT reunion the other weekend and I turned round inadvertently and ended up with a full view of nipple seconds before a little person began his lunch. I was slightly embarrassed but only because I've got to know the mum and her husband really well but offended no - it's just a little person's lunch/dinner being offered!

My point being is you cannot consider something natural as offensive, mums up and down the land aren't walking around in public with their breasts hanging out. I'm no hippy, far from it but please let's grow up here.

The internet is full of offensive things, let's spend more time complaining about innocent British men being be-headed and the video being shared on Facebook and YouTube than mums doing what mums do best, looking after their babies.

The guilt of being a working dad

I don't know if any other dad feels this, I might be the only one but I want to share it in the hope I might not be the only one.

Since Jacob was born, I've been on top of the world, happy, thrilled I have been blessed with such a healthy and happy child.

I've loved every minute, even when he was screaming the place down the first time I was left alone with him!

I've learned a lot about myself and also learned a lot about how to interact with him and help him.

But throughout I have been hit by guilt, the guilt of missing out on special moments and most importantly the guilt of being a 'part-time' dad.

Working as a journalist I normally do 9am to 5.30pm and I don't mind that, but it's the after hours meetings and events I need to sometimes attend which start me off.

I fear Pam is going to feel trapped and doing everything for Jacob, that she has no break when I am out until 9/10pm at night.

Take last Monday for example, I left the house at 8.15am to get to work, did a full day, drove to a council meeting, covered that and then was wanted for some after meetings chats.

I didn't walk back through my front door until 9.10pm, by which time Pam was feeding Jacob his pre bed milk and would be going to bed herself.

So of course I felt guilty she had been with him all day and I hadn't helped at all....

But here's the thing, Pam is utterly supportive and loving about it, she emphasises she can only do that 

BECAUSE I am working and bringing the money home.

She has never once moaned I was away from home, she's been totally brilliant.

I spoke to my dad, who was fantastic and reminded me that I might not think it but I am doing a very important role, bringing the money in to keep a roof over our heads.

And I do get what they are saying, I do. But I still feel yukky and that I am not doing enough to be a hands on and supportive daddy and husband.

Dads? Did you feel like this? Can anyone help me stop feeling so guilty?

Smiling and other wonderful discoveries

THE most wonderful moment of recent weeks has been Jacob smiling away at both me and his mummy.

After the initial ones which you put down to wind, the moment he smiles lightens my world and makes it a simply wonderful place.

I haven't yet captured it on camera as I altenate between smiling and laughing back at him and simply beam with pride at yet another little development in his life.

There are so many recent examples I could share but my favourite has to be anytime he smiles and then lets out a happy laugh like sound.

Just after a milk feed last Saturday, we were in front of the television and he was switching between staring at this box, looking out the window and back at me.

He looked, he smiled and then was so delighted with his effort he let out the happiest sound.

Other developments in the last few weeks have been an increase in babbling, he's realised he can make different sounds now so we get 'ooohs' 'bahhhhhhh' 'aaaaaahhhhhhh' and all sorts of other wonderful sounds.

And I am delighted to say he now goes on his playmat and plays with the various toys in and around him and doesn't throw up as was his want in the early weeks.

I never realised the pleasure in simply listening to him as he goes about learning about his surroundings.

And of course talking to him is such a joy, especially when he looks and goes 'ooooooooooooooooooo' back!

Development is coming along a treat, and his appetite is the same – 15lb 6 oz and just 11 weeks old.

I always thought I would try and get him to be a footballer, might try rugby league instead!

Daddyhood and how it changes your life

NEXT week, Jacob would have been with us for a staggering three months and in that time, my haven't things changed!

I've tried to write this blog a number of times but got so far and realised there was another aspect to my life which had changed since I became part of the 'Daddyhood'.

It's been a mind-blowing experience for me, I have adored every second so far and hope it will continue long into the future.

The main change is in me, I am now a lot calmer person, work still infuriates me at times but for some reason I now can just take a breath and move on.

Importantly whatever has happened at work I leave it at work and once go through the front door I am a happy person again.

Sleeping as I have blogged about before is very interesting but its the tiredness which has struck me more.

Previously I could easily be found playing Football Manager or watching TV until the early hours then sleeping and be fine the next day.

Now around 10pm I can feel the tiredness setting in, the TV goes off as does the laptop and my bed calls more.

I have always been quite an emotional person but since becoming a dad a new frontier has opened up, previously didn't get upset about stories involving kids as didn't have one.

Now anything involving children and I can feel the tears and instantly think 'How would I cope?' - Why does parenting do this to you?

We went to an NCT reunion last Saturday and I realised all the mums had different experiences to talk about, natural birth, assisted deliveries and our case c-section.

Yet the dads were exactly the same! How you coping?, er it's been mental, How you finding being back at 

work? Crap Have you done the really bad nappies? Yup

I will end on the biggest mind blown I still can't adjust to, Jacob will be a toddler, a little boy, a young man – I can't picture him as a little toddler running around and talking yet can't wait at the same time!

Our Hospital Visit

TUESDAY saw us visit Birmingham Children's Hospital to look at the extra finger Jacob was born with on both hands.

It's the first time I have ever visited BCH and apart from parking it was a nice experience, a lovely child-friendly hospital which must ease the worries of the little people who sadly need to spend a lot longer than we did there.

Speaking to the specialist she explained she would not touch him until he was a year old and then x-ray his hand to see whether he was double jointed and the extra finger could just be removed or there was more bone to remove.

Strangely we weren't fearful at all because I was born with the same thing Jacob has, an extra finger on both hands! But apart from me and him I can find no other example of this in my family.

The only decision it looks like we will have to make is whether to have both done at once or one at a time, it's a two week healing process so I reckon we ought to grin and bear it for a fortnight leaving our poor Jacob with no hands!

But the specialist was lovely, Jacob of course woke up as he does love to charm ladies in the medical profession!. She spoke to us both in a language we both understood and didn't need to have spent seven years at medical school for.

To be honest the only drama occurred on the way home as the brakes on our car were awfully spongy. Halfway home they became so dangerous that when I braked at just 20mph the back wheels began to skid.

We limped to a garage who were wonderful and repaired our car quickly without hassle and at a very lovely price.

It was a frightening experience for someone who is still very much a novice driver but I was chuffed with the way I coped and didn't carry on driving!

Of course our wonderful son slept through most of it even when he was in his car seat by the side of the road!

Within an hour of being home Jacob was lying on his playmat and together with mummy kept demolishing his little building blocks!

All in all a day of two halves!

We have a 7 week old!

CAN someone help me?

It seems like only two minutes I was sitting in recovery holding my newborn son. Something has happened though and we appear to have skipped seven whole weeks.

On Thursday, Jacob will be two MONTHS old! I mean talk about time flies but this period has been like being on Concord! - Not that I would know, closest I get to Mach speed is when I shave with a particular razor....

It's been a terrific voyage of discovery for the little man and for his mum and dad, I've already blogged on the sleep issues. What is wonderful is how he appears to be cluster feeding in an evening to try and go as long as he can during the night.

But to watch him learn about the world is still a sight to behold even seven weeks on. Those wide eyes when he is taking in a black and white picture, when his bouncy giraffe is doing its thing or even when daddy makes strange noises (to amuse you understand) is enough to make you forget any crap in the 'real world'.

He already has little character traits that make you laugh, first thing after his 'breakfast' feed he adores lying in his crib looking at the morning light, transfixed!

I marvel at how he falls asleep in the loudest environments, not happy when he's put in his car seat but as soon as he is in the car and on the motorway he can be sound asleep.

I can take him for a walk in his pushchair and be by the busiest nosiest road and do I hear a peep, nope? Sound asleep

Even when he is having 'interaction time' with us, his yawns and his little facial expressions are enough to bring a smile to the grumpiest daddy after a long day at work.

He's learning so much about the world around him, sometimes we put him in his bouncy chair and watch him piece together everything he has learned during the day.

Medically he is sailing through all his tests and checks and wonderfully passed the hip scan the doctors wanted because he was pulled out bottom first.

All in all we have been blessed, here's to many more wonderful weeks!

Nappy changing

I'VE come to the conclusion Jacob hates having his nappy changed and probably would be happy lying in his own mess!

The kid is that laid back that trying to do the decent thing and cleaning him up causes much crying, whimpering and general moaning.

I thought this was normal, well that and the fact he loves weeing over whoever is unlucky enough to have the task of cleaning up.

Maybe all babies hate being naked until they hit toddler hood and then like to roam free as nature intended? I shouldn't fear, all will be well and hey, I can make him laugh after he's been changed!!

Then we visited my cousin at the weekend, who became a dad for the second time in May. His little boy needed changing, so I thought oh boy prepare for the fireworks.

Instead he lay there, had a good nose around and was stripped completely naked (it was one of those nappy changes!) and was perfectly happy, not a tear or a whimper or anything.

HOW DARE THIS CHILD BE MORE CHILLED OUT AND PERFECT THAN MY OWN!!

I guess that's another part of the journey we can share, I am kind of looking forward to the exhibitionist naked phase to see if I am a prude or just sitting there laughing!

I would like to calm him down when changing him though, nothing works so far but its a work in progress!

Babies are strange aren't they!

Sleep!

REMEMBER it? That thing you used to do of a night....no not that you dirty little so and soes.

Despite parenthood changing our whole lives, the biggest change for me personally has been sleep. Luckily we have a child whose very keen on sleeping when it's dark so that is challenge one out of the way.

However, we have both gone from seven hours continuous sleep to seven hours in installments which isn't too bad. Making my lunch at 6am while waiting for a bottle to warm does shave time off my morning routine!

I am starting to think though all the tips to get them to sleep are rubbish and your baby will do what the heck he or she likes. The only input you have is if you listen to what they want then they MAY oblige and give you some much needed rest.

In the last 10 days Jacob has increased his feeds of an evening, up until 4pm he quite happy to go three/four hours between his milk. After 4.30pm though, he becomes 'The Milk Monster' and makes it quite clear he wants milk at 7pm.

I like to think he is pleased to see me and wants to reward me for a hard day's work with some daddy time but it's probably just because he's starving!

That takes us to about 9ish when he is then after it again and up until the last two nights he guzzles away happily and then falls asleep. However the last two nights he's been so knackered from all the playtime with mummy feeding is hard work.

It's a routine of sorts because after 9pm feed he is very happy until at least 3am/3.30am which gives us some much needed snooze time!

But it's not the same for everyone and I am not showing off at all, just think its the luck of the draw!

Five things I'd like to tell myself when I was a dad to be

REFLECTING this weekend on how much life has changed since Jacob came tumbling into the world I thought to myself how great would it be to go back to your dad to be self for one day?

You could give yourself advice and tips on handling your little bundle of joy before he/she arrived and become a super dad in the process!

Oh how good would you look if you had the answers before the problem even occurred. As Pam was having a sleep and Jacob decided to have a snooze in my arms I thought I'd come up with five things I'd go back and tell myself.

1) Getting wee'd and poo'd on is normal - Before having a baby, the idea of being wee'd and poo'ed on is reserved for the more kinkier minded. Now it's normal, especially if you have a little boy. There's even the strange moment you enjoy it...no not because of what you are thinking you dirty minded lot....but you are happy your little pride and joy is not constipated!

2) The strangest things can settle your baby - Once winded, cleaned and fed they just cry for whatever reason. Your brain will start throwing suggestions and your little baby will suddenly respond. One such night involved me walking up and down the living room in the pitch black making endless shhhhhhhh noises.....

3) Babies trump and yes it's hillarious - winding a baby is amusing especially when they belch very VERY loudly but nothing beats a good old trump. What is even more amusing is when they do it so loud it actually wakes them up from a slumber. Juvenile humour yes but goodness they are a comedy goldmine at times.

4) You are going to feel like the ultimate stud - Dad's not going to lie to you the idea of going out on your own to give your beloved a lie in is daunting for two reasons a) Being seen with a pushchair could be seen as a bit feminine or b) They could start doing something only mummy knows how to cope with and your miles away from home! However after the first trip out a strange thing will happen, you will suddenly walk like you are totally on top of the situation and with a swagger that says 'Yes my tackle works and helped make this, I am male HEAR ME ROAR!!!!!!.....or was that just me?

5) Conversations with the wife - be warned, when you talked about serious matters of state or your day, you may find yourselves talking about how many poos your little one has done.....

Oh and one thing which is non negotiable and is therefore not a sixth point....FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T PANIC!! THERE IS AN ANSWER YOU JUST HAVE TO WORK IT OUT!!!

The Great Nappy Debate

'GET Aldi' they cried, 'works for us, we tried them all and Aldi didn't leak or anything' – that was the advice before we had Jacob.

Being a bit old fashioned though we wanted to start with an established brand name and since Huggies left the building for the most part, it was Pampers for us.

And now, three weeks in I can honestly say we are happy with the results. Jacob has never been wet when changed or stained his clothes as a result of a leaky nappy.

I accept it may be down to correct fitting by mummy (certainly not daddy!) but given the force he can do his business I think a lot of credit has to go to Pampers.

We are already on size 2 of the Pampers New Baby because Jacob was so heavy and what I like is the numbered system showing you when you perhaps need the next size up.

Yes before anyone says it I am that simple!

I also like the line on the front of the nappy which changes from yellow to blue in the event of a wee related change of nappy.

Many other products do it as well but we are very comfortable with Pampers, some of the changes we have done have been very heavy and wet nappies yet Jacob's skin is remarkably dry.

I've realised in the early weeks of fatherhood that baby's mean big business and there is so much competition for your hard-earned cash.

If something works but costs a bit more then surely it's better to stick to it? I accept Pampers may not work 

for some parents but for us, first time parents, they've been great.

How has everyone else found nappies? Did anyone go through different brands before settling on the ones for them?

Going back to work....:-(

I WOULD like to complain, no antenatal class teaches you how to cope when the day comes for you to return to work....

Monday was easily the hardest thing I have ever done, after two weeks of feeding, changing, going on walks and generally being a hands-on daddy, the need to earn money prised me away.

I did do my best toddler impression and tried to throw a tantrum (in my mind, the wife doesn't need two babies!) but the time had come.

I could have course not gone but pretty soon we'd have had no house and I don't think it's fair to put a newborn in a cardboard box.

Pam was amazing and did his night feeds so I could get some sleep ahead of going back to work but when the alarm went it was still full of dread.

I just about got dressed and made my lunch before it was time to say goodbye. Held my emotions at the bedroom door and then said goodbye to Pam and to Jacob who I swear deliberately looked even more 

adorable just to add to the moment.

But despite nearly being in tears on the way to work, they both had a wonderful day and have had a great week, me going back has given Pam a surge of confidence and I could not be prouder of her.

As a result I feel better, yes I miss them like crazy when I am at work and wondering what they are doing.

However, Jacob needs his mummy and needs his daddy to love him and care for him but also protect him and the best way I can do that is keep a roof over his head.

Should dads have longer at home? I think so yes but to be honest the levels of paternity pay from the Government are pitiful.

I lost £200 from my salary and that was only with one week's paternity leave and the other as annual leave.

But there is no better feeling than driving home from a day at work knowing you will see your loving partner 

and baby.

I adore walking in and taking over to give Pam a break, hillariously last night I walked in just before a feed so changed his nappy, started to feed and what did Jacob do? Fill his nappy.

Talk about a welcome home......parenthood eh?

In praise of the NHS - part two

I'VE put part two as I am pretty sure I have wrote good things about the NHS on this blog before....

Part of the wonderful experience of being new parents was the care we had from the midwives and surgeons at Worcestershire Royal Hospital.

From Pam Jones and her team the weekend before Jacob was born, to Ellie, Ali and Katie after his arrival, Pam was in safe hands throughout her time in hospital.

Midwives are the unsung heroes of the NHS, we were so well looked after from actual care to them just sitting and talking for a moment or two answering our newbie questions!

Ellie was wonderful on the delivery date itself, looked after Pam all the way into theatre and kept nice and calm when Jacob was born and needed just a little help to get started.

Even when she was called away to care for another lady in labour, she found the time to come back at the end of her shift and apologise - even though she was sharing her talents and helping another woman bring new life into the world.

The post natal staff were just as wonderful, they could not have done more to help Pam breastfeed but sadly Jacob was too laid back to latch on. A problem he still has now when he has his bottle!

But the care was exceptional, support and advice was forever on hand despite the ward being busier than Kings Cross at rush hour on numerous occasions.

It makes you appreciate what we have for free in this country, the NHS is an institution which needs to be modernised and nursed back to health.

To all midwives, I salute you. To all those who helped us from August 13 to August 16 I thank you on behalf of Pam and of the not so little Jacob!

Our First Days as a Mummy and Daddy

WE SURVIVED!! Well we have for the first two weeks anyway. Mission one of parenting, don’t kill it has been achieved!

It’s been an eye-opening two weeks, funny because a lot of the time Jacob kept his eyes closed!!!!

And everybody who said it would turn my world upside down was absolutely correct, life as we know it changed massively on August 14.

The biggest lesson I have learned though is to watch my son, his cues nearly always give a guide as to what he wants at that moment.

Oh and to not panic, those early days when they cry for no apparent reason can sometimes solved with more feeds, especially if they are trying to regain their birth weight as Jacob has been.

The Sunday night after we came home saw both of us have meltdowns, it’s only the next day we looked at things and realised he was just after another feed!

Hindsight is very important for new parents!

I’ve learned a lot about myself, especially if I relax and let my instinct take over I am actually quite good at taking care of him.

I have also learned that there is another level above love, I love Pam and would do anything for her but Jacob….just looking at him sleep can make me feel WOW

To any dads to be, some advice:

-          ALWAYS sleep when they sleep when you get home, you will need it and it’s amazing how the extra power gained with a lunchtime nap sustains you during the 3am feed.

-          Tackle nappies as soon as you can, they don’t smell during the first few days so it’s a good chance to hone the changing skill before the smelly ones arrive.

-          Being weed on is a badge of honour, you can learn to try and block it but the clever so and so’s work around it…

-          Try and do as much as you can for your beloved, it will be appreciated.

-          If you need to go out in first few days after you come home, walk to the shop if you can. Fresh air is wonderful and you might feel a little spaced out.

-          Be prepared your normally sharp brain may be a little fuzzy,  for example you might go to the bank to pay a cheque in and forget to take your wallet……

But most importantly, enjoy it! It’s a wonderful voyage of discovery and one I am so glad I brought a ticket for!

Welcome Jacob Edward James George

THURSDAY, August 14 was quite simply the best day of my life as it saw the birth of Jacob via c-section.

I have tried to sit down many times to record the day with a blog but don’t feel I ever had the words until now, two weeks on.

After an overnight stay, I got to Worcestershire Royal for just after 8am, Pam had already been seen by the anaesthetist who was friendly and very calming influence.

The surgeons who would perform the c-section arrived soon after and were again very professional and personable.

They asked us if we knew the sex as apparently they had done a c-section before and announced the arrival of a baby girl, to blank faces from mum and dad who did not know what they were having!

A quick scan confirmed Jacob was indeed breech still and then it was a slow walk to the theatre, Pam went for her spinal block while I changed into some delightful scrubs. Don’t worry, no pictures exist of how I looked!

Pretty soon it was time for me to go in, I thought I would go a bit weak seeing all the equipment but a very calm state descended over me.

The lovely midwife popped me on a chair next to Pam’s head and once the anaesthetic did its thing it was time to bring Jacob into the world.

Apart from a bit of pulling, you wouldn’t have known what was taking place and then came the moment that will live with me forever.

Jacob was born and held above the partition for us to see, our gorgeous little boy melted both our hearts by looking straight at his mummy!

He was checked over and didn’t go pink as quickly as they would have liked, of course as soon as the paediatric nurse was paged he soon responded.

But I was soon asked to go over and say hello and cut the remainder of the cord, a nice touch by the hospital to ensure the dad can experience the sensation.

I did think it would be very spongy but it’s actually really gristly and tough, comforting in a way to know something so hard-wearing fed him for nine months!

After a short while in recovery, including plenty of male bonding, we were back in delivery (no rooms in the antenatal inn) and I got to speak to family and friends and let them know the good news.

Dads, give yourself a minute before you call people to let them know, I spent a good minute just rambling with excitement!

We ended the first day on antenatal, I handled the first two nappies which any new dad MUST do, as you get the badge of honour of being weed on then!

All in all it was a momentous day which Pam and I won’t forget in a hurry, 10.31am on 14/08/14  is a moment I will treasure forever

Dear Jacob

WELL son, today's the day.

Thursday, August 14 will be your birthday and while me and your mum didn't expect things to happen like this we can't wait to meet you.

We've had a wonderful journey since your mum came bounding into the bedroom in January to say you were on the way.

From the first scan where you had everything you should have and were healthy to the 20 week scan where we found you were a Jacob, it's a been a voyage of discovery.

You have entertained us with your movements, your obliging nature every time a midwife needed to listen to your heartbeat and your kicks whenever I seemingly spoke.

But you have grown healthy and seemingly happy despite mummy's diabetes (I'll fill you in on it all when you are a little older).

And now it's time to come join us on the outside. Sorry about that but you have to admit there is hardly any room where you are now!

You'll see a light tomorrow little man and some hands, don't be afraid. He is there to help you out into the world and see me and your mum.

She'll be the one lying down, she not being lazy just staying still because of reasons you don't need to know yet. Let's just say if you like sunroofs it won't be a surprise.....

As for me, I will be the one looking and asking questions. Not because I'm a journalist but because I'm nosey.

I won't lie to you mate, I will probably be blubbing but hey I guess you will as well so anything to make you feel at home.

There's plenty to discover little man, I can't wait to share the journey with you.

Oh and in case I forget to say it, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!