Friday, 31 October 2014

The guilt of being a working dad

I don't know if any other dad feels this, I might be the only one but I want to share it in the hope I might not be the only one.

Since Jacob was born, I've been on top of the world, happy, thrilled I have been blessed with such a healthy and happy child.

I've loved every minute, even when he was screaming the place down the first time I was left alone with him!

I've learned a lot about myself and also learned a lot about how to interact with him and help him.

But throughout I have been hit by guilt, the guilt of missing out on special moments and most importantly the guilt of being a 'part-time' dad.

Working as a journalist I normally do 9am to 5.30pm and I don't mind that, but it's the after hours meetings and events I need to sometimes attend which start me off.

I fear Pam is going to feel trapped and doing everything for Jacob, that she has no break when I am out until 9/10pm at night.

Take last Monday for example, I left the house at 8.15am to get to work, did a full day, drove to a council meeting, covered that and then was wanted for some after meetings chats.

I didn't walk back through my front door until 9.10pm, by which time Pam was feeding Jacob his pre bed milk and would be going to bed herself.

So of course I felt guilty she had been with him all day and I hadn't helped at all....

But here's the thing, Pam is utterly supportive and loving about it, she emphasises she can only do that 
BECAUSE I am working and bringing the money home.

She has never once moaned I was away from home, she's been totally brilliant.

I spoke to my dad, who was fantastic and reminded me that I might not think it but I am doing a very important role, bringing the money in to keep a roof over our heads.

And I do get what they are saying, I do. But I still feel yukky and that I am not doing enough to be a hands on and supportive daddy and husband.

Dads? Did you feel like this? Can anyone help me stop feeling so guilty?


  1. I think it's lovely the way you are thinking about your wife, but she is right, without you going out to work she wouldn't be able to stay home and look after Jacob.

    I am sure you are both doing a fine job and there will be times when life is hard to juggle, but there will also be times when you have time to juggle everything just the way you want... Don't feel bad about it, that's life!

    Popped over from #pocolo

  2. I hear you. I watched my son crawl for the first time on a video emailed to work by my wife, which is great but not quite the same.

    I wrote something about this just the other day on for blog:


  3. Thank you both for your lovely comments, Debbie it's great to hear another mum's perspective. Posted on the blog Andy, sounds like we are in similar situations, I am so glad I am not alone in feeling the way I do. Thanks to you both again