Friday, 31 October 2014
The guilt of being a working dad
I don't know if any other dad feels this, I might be the only one but I want to share it in the hope I might not be the only one.
Since Jacob was born, I've been on top of the world, happy, thrilled I have been blessed with such a healthy and happy child.
I've loved every minute, even when he was screaming the place down the first time I was left alone with him!
I've learned a lot about myself and also learned a lot about how to interact with him and help him.
But throughout I have been hit by guilt, the guilt of missing out on special moments and most importantly the guilt of being a 'part-time' dad.
Working as a journalist I normally do 9am to 5.30pm and I don't mind that, but it's the after hours meetings and events I need to sometimes attend which start me off.
I fear Pam is going to feel trapped and doing everything for Jacob, that she has no break when I am out until 9/10pm at night.
Take last Monday for example, I left the house at 8.15am to get to work, did a full day, drove to a council meeting, covered that and then was wanted for some after meetings chats.
I didn't walk back through my front door until 9.10pm, by which time Pam was feeding Jacob his pre bed milk and would be going to bed herself.
So of course I felt guilty she had been with him all day and I hadn't helped at all....
But here's the thing, Pam is utterly supportive and loving about it, she emphasises she can only do that
BECAUSE I am working and bringing the money home.
She has never once moaned I was away from home, she's been totally brilliant.
I spoke to my dad, who was fantastic and reminded me that I might not think it but I am doing a very important role, bringing the money in to keep a roof over our heads.
And I do get what they are saying, I do. But I still feel yukky and that I am not doing enough to be a hands on and supportive daddy and husband.
Dads? Did you feel like this? Can anyone help me stop feeling so guilty?