A Dad's take on bressure and brelfies

BREAST feeding is back in the news today and apparently now any mum who posts a pic of her breastfeeding has put pressure on those who couldn't for whatever reason.

As a result, the hashtag #bressure has provoked a lot of support from bottle feeding mums who feel pressured into breastfeeding.

Various stories, 'how I was looked down on when I bottlefed' and the like have been posted and frankly it's ridiculous.

As I recall, 'brelfies' rose to prominence because various social media sites were censoring breastfeeding pictures because of all the 'nudity' (god help too much flesh is shown eh)

I don't recall one brelfie with the message 'This is the right and only way and a plague on all those who don't flop their boobs out to nurture their babies'

Why? because it didn't happen. Brelfies were proud mums, sharing those intimate moments with the world.

The same intimate moments can be had with bottle feeding, had this campaign been 'bottlefie' then brilliant, a great way to get the message across that breast or bottle, both are brilliant.

But instead it's back to running down breastfeeding. I've seen the hurt in Pam's eyes when she couldn't get Jacob to feed from her breast. He was lazy, we had all the help possible, lovely supportive midwives, different positions but sometimes it just doesn't work.

But now, nine months on, is she ashamed she couldn't, depressed and pressured if she sees a mum breastfeeding? No, my wife like hundreds of millions of women in the world is proud, proud she carried and birthed a baby. Because whatever the argument, THAT is the greatest accomplishment.

If anyone in your social circle judges you for not being able to breastfeed then maybe you need to rethink your social circle?

I know Pam wouldn't look down on any mum who breastfeeds or bottlefeeds and speaking as a dad, I can't see how any woman could.

Women are given the greatest gift, they can conceive, grow and deliver human life. Frankly, it doesn't matter how they then feed their babies just as long as they do.

We shouldn't judge anyone on either side of this debate, we should instead remember our children are being fed, some aren't.

Surely that's a bigger issue to worry about?

Being a dad - six months on!

SO it’s been six months since we became parents. And the good news is we haven’t damaged Jacob in anyway! I’m sure I wasn't alone in thinking in the delivery room, what if I break him?

But, as with most things in fatherhood you soon realise your worries are just frankly ridiculous!

What it has been has been a voyage of discovery and learning, of sleepless nights and fun-filled days.

Nothing in life can prepare you for the actual job of fatherhood, you can learn lots about babycare but nothing prepares you for the emotional hit of holding your own child.

What have I learned? A load, both about myself, about patience and the joy of baby watching. Come on dads, we have all done it, just stopped and watched how our little ones go about their day.

Jacob is just a delight, especially now at six months where he is babbling away and developing a really funny personality. His favourite trick at the moment appears to be looking all sad at either me or his mum.

When he inevitably gets out attention, the cheeky little scamp either smiles so warmly or turns away quickly with a sudden bout of ‘shyness’.

I’ve also learned nothing really matters, a bad day at work can be resolved the moment you walk through the door.

I have been so blessed that as well as a healthy baby, I have the most fabulous wife, a woman born to be a mother and a true natural. But then again I am biased!!!

From the early days of neither of us knowing what the heck we were doing to now, it’s been a wonderful journey so far, long may it continue.

So for those dads to be, let me share some wisdom. Firstly, be there for the birth and see what you want to see, those precious first seconds will be burned on your memory forever

Secondly, get involved in feeding and nappies: Jacob weed on me not once but twice on his first day in the world,  a badge of honour!

Thirdly, during your paternity leave, make sure you do as much round the house as you can, it’s a good chance to learn something new!

And finally, when your baby and your partner/wife sleep, make sure you do as well or at least chill out on the sofa!

Thank you for the memories son, here’s to so many more

 

Labour's paternity plan is great, but it has to be worthwhile.

THE news this morning that Labour would give new dads four weeks off work after the birth of their baby is very welcome.

Having agonisingly crawled to work two weeks after Jacob was born I would have welcomed another two weeks off, if not just to try and build up the courage to tear myself away from him!

But as many things in politics, a welcome announcement on the surface often becomes less so when you dig down to what we call 'reality'.

Paternity leave is wonderful; two weeks off, the Government pay for it, your annual leave is untouched. Your first two weeks as a daddy are taken care of....

However, when you actually look at what is offered, £138, you soon realise that the devil is indeed in the detail.

I earn roughly £300 a week, meaning had I had two weeks off I would have lost over a week's salary! I'm sure that wasn't the intention when paternity leave was created.

This is not a whinge, far from it, the fact that paternity leave even exists is great and that any contribution from the Government is welcome.

But the moment that little bundle arrives, you immediately think about protecting them and keeping them safe and losing money which could be spent on nappies and the like in the first month is a worry you just don't need.

We are lucky in this country to have fathers of relitavely young children in charge of all three parties, so parenting should remain on the agenda.

Labour have a great idea, it would be great now to see it worked through to ensure new dads aren't forced to use their annual leave.

I don't have the answer, I can only speak as a dad who took one week off the state and one week's annual leave when J was born.

Over to you Mr Miliband!

Sleep!

REMEMBER it? That thing you used to do of a night....no not that you dirty little so and soes.

Despite parenthood changing our whole lives, the biggest change for me personally has been sleep. Luckily we have a child whose very keen on sleeping when it's dark so that is challenge one out of the way.

However, we have both gone from seven hours continuous sleep to seven hours in installments which isn't too bad. Making my lunch at 6am while waiting for a bottle to warm does shave time off my morning routine!

I am starting to think though all the tips to get them to sleep are rubbish and your baby will do what the heck he or she likes. The only input you have is if you listen to what they want then they MAY oblige and give you some much needed rest.

In the last 10 days Jacob has increased his feeds of an evening, up until 4pm he quite happy to go three/four hours between his milk. After 4.30pm though, he becomes 'The Milk Monster' and makes it quite clear he wants milk at 7pm.

I like to think he is pleased to see me and wants to reward me for a hard day's work with some daddy time but it's probably just because he's starving!

That takes us to about 9ish when he is then after it again and up until the last two nights he guzzles away happily and then falls asleep. However the last two nights he's been so knackered from all the playtime with mummy feeding is hard work.

It's a routine of sorts because after 9pm feed he is very happy until at least 3am/3.30am which gives us some much needed snooze time!

But it's not the same for everyone and I am not showing off at all, just think its the luck of the draw!

Five things I'd like to tell myself when I was a dad to be

REFLECTING this weekend on how much life has changed since Jacob came tumbling into the world I thought to myself how great would it be to go back to your dad to be self for one day?

You could give yourself advice and tips on handling your little bundle of joy before he/she arrived and become a super dad in the process!

Oh how good would you look if you had the answers before the problem even occurred. As Pam was having a sleep and Jacob decided to have a snooze in my arms I thought I'd come up with five things I'd go back and tell myself.

1) Getting wee'd and poo'd on is normal - Before having a baby, the idea of being wee'd and poo'ed on is reserved for the more kinkier minded. Now it's normal, especially if you have a little boy. There's even the strange moment you enjoy it...no not because of what you are thinking you dirty minded lot....but you are happy your little pride and joy is not constipated!

2) The strangest things can settle your baby - Once winded, cleaned and fed they just cry for whatever reason. Your brain will start throwing suggestions and your little baby will suddenly respond. One such night involved me walking up and down the living room in the pitch black making endless shhhhhhhh noises.....

3) Babies trump and yes it's hillarious - winding a baby is amusing especially when they belch very VERY loudly but nothing beats a good old trump. What is even more amusing is when they do it so loud it actually wakes them up from a slumber. Juvenile humour yes but goodness they are a comedy goldmine at times.

4) You are going to feel like the ultimate stud - Dad's not going to lie to you the idea of going out on your own to give your beloved a lie in is daunting for two reasons a) Being seen with a pushchair could be seen as a bit feminine or b) They could start doing something only mummy knows how to cope with and your miles away from home! However after the first trip out a strange thing will happen, you will suddenly walk like you are totally on top of the situation and with a swagger that says 'Yes my tackle works and helped make this, I am male HEAR ME ROAR!!!!!!.....or was that just me?

5) Conversations with the wife - be warned, when you talked about serious matters of state or your day, you may find yourselves talking about how many poos your little one has done.....

Oh and one thing which is non negotiable and is therefore not a sixth point....FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T PANIC!! THERE IS AN ANSWER YOU JUST HAVE TO WORK IT OUT!!!

In defence of the NHS

THE National Health Service gets a huge kicking; we have all seen the negative headlines in the press.

But I can honestly say Pam and I have been treated so well this pregnancy, yes we are a ‘higher risk’ because of her diabetes but I could not ask for more as a first time dad to be.

From the moment we went to the doctors to get everything confirmed and start our pregnancy journey, everything has been linked up, joined up and well just worked!

I don’t know how other first time mums and dads felt but the moment we got the blue cross on the pregnancy test, I felt we were making a journey into the unknown.

But every step of the way we have been told what’s happening next and never had to chase any appointments.

We even have a hilarious (well to me anyway) situation that all of Pam’s obstetrician midwife and scan appointments came through in one envelope, mapping the road to Jacob’s birth.

I will accept that we are probably getting a better standard of service because we have a diabetic pregnancy but it’s really allayed my nerves and fears.

We met our wonderful diabetes link midwife today and she is a delight, very welcoming and engaging even with me which was a nice surprise.

Our obstetrician was lovely as well and certainly broadened our minds about the birth, Jacob even made her smile when he yet again ensured his heartbeat was loud and clear.

The diabetic consultant was great as usual, was delighted with Pam’s HBHN1 levels but very level headed and offered us some great advice with her changing diabetic needs.

And then the laser eye treatment…which went very well and again although I was worried, my pregnant wife was again in great hands.

Sometimes I doubt the NHS but I can honestly say in terms of this pregnancy, I do indeed #lovetheNHS

My c-section experience!

NO I haven’t gone mad or had a weird dream, last night at our excellent Birth Choices workshop, the lovely Helen and Jo staged what the room would be like for those facing a caesarean section.

The only caveat was a dad had to play the part of mum to be on the table (three chairs pushed together). And given the fact I fancied a lie down (and probably have a pregnant looking belly myself!) I volunteered my services.

Everyone else in the group was given roles to show who to expect in the theatre if the need arises or when you go in for the section.

Not only that but various tags listing the equipment which a mum would have put on her were attached to me with pegs and string!

It was an excellent way to showcase what will happen and I think really opened many of the mums eyes and credit Jo and Helen for staging such an exercise to break down the barriers.

As a man I know I won’t face the experience from the table but what struck me was that it’s actually a little intimidating lying there with people standing over you.

I wonder whether any mums who had sections felt like that or was the knowledge you would soon meet your baby enough to make you ignore any feelings of fear.

I can only repeat what I said on an earlier blog, if you are parents to be in Worcestershire, do find out more about Jo and Helen’s classes. They are good value and very intimate so you are not part of a huge group.

Neither of them preach any particular approach to pregnancy or birth, they tell you whatever you feel you need to know.

Follow the link to find out more!

http://www.worcester-antenatal.co.uk/

V-Day!

SO we have reached 'V Day', 24 weeks, meaning our gorgeous little Jacob (I know he is, he'll inherit his mother's genes) would have a chance of surviving if things got out of hand.

A lot of mums say things drag but whether it's new dad optimism or what I have found the last 12 weeks have fled by. From January until the end of February, when we weren't telling anyone, it dragged.

Since then we have a bump, kicking, wiggling and major decorating of what will become a nursery taking place.

We have a name, we have people offering to buy us things and we, in 14 weeks, will be parents...eeek.

To mark the occasion, I thought we should finally share a picture of this bump that me and Mummy Smurf have already grown to love.

But a weird thing happened, Jacob looks like he went and hid as I am sure the bump looks bigger than the pic! See what you think!

School is in session!

So we went to our first class on Tuesday, a taster session run by the lovely Helen Hunt and Jo Lederer.

It's a venture into the unknown for us both obviously but apart from one couple, we were in a small group of similar first timers which instantly made things just a bit more relaxing.

But we need not have worried, Helen and Jo made things very relaxed and easy to understand, having a small group really did benefit us as we felt we were being helped directly rather than being addressed as the ladies would have had to do had it been a larger crowd.

After a quick preamble, Helen and Jo split the group into smaller groups to look at pictures of women and men post birth and asked us our thoughts. I was surprised just how open I was about my own feelings but glad I was not alone and one of the other couples quickly boosted my confidence which was lovely.

Following that it was a boy/girl split time so the mummies could talk properly about the birth where we men were given a beginners guide, Helen was great with the guys though, not patronising and tackled a delicate matter in a way I think us embarrased guys could understand! It was amazing to see just how much goes on when bubs comes down the birth canal.

On the whole it was a fabulous evening, we only intended to go to that class to give ourselves an introduction but we are now going to the next three! Knowledge is power and all that

If you are parents to be in Worcestershire, take a look at their website (link below) because it's a great experience and breaks down more than a few barriers.

http://www.worcester-antenatal.co.uk/

One hugely special moment

SO Mummy Smurf went to bed early as she was exhausted. I go up for a cuddle, something we have always done since we met as I often don't go to bed until MUCH later.

Anyway since Jacob has expanded the living quarters and begun moving, I have often spent most of the time with my hand on Mummy Smurf's belly and already felt the vibration like movements and the odd prod as I said on the last blog.

I can't feel proper real movements yet which does make Mummy Smurf a little unhappy I think but I like the fact they have some time together!

But anyway back to tonight and one of the best moments of the pregnancy and yes of my life, happened at around 8.45pm.

As a joke, I put my hand on her belly and asked Jacob to kick 'for daddy'. For the life of me I never once thought he'd do it.....

But amazingly I got a little kick back! Mind blowing to say the least and my followers on Twitter will already see I've likened this pregnancy to Christmas every few days. There is always something to get excited about!!

Thank you Jacob, thank you son, it's been an awful week at work. It's like you knew I needed a huge boost!

Almost kicking time!

I THINK our little Jacob is about ready to start playing football with Mummy Smurf's insides!

During my regular tummy time (she doesn't mind, honest) instead of getting a vibrating sort of feeling on Saturday night I got the gentlest of prods.

Mummy Smurf is 22 weeks gone now and has a lovely  tummy which I insist looks wonderful but she just looks at me with 'I feel fat and you're an iditot' face..

And movements are getting a lot more pronounced now, strangely during live sport as he kicked away during some football at the weekend and, bizarrely, to the snooker last night!

The noise, the movement and well everything is still blowing me away massively as you can tell from the insane number of blogs on the subject.

On a related subject, Mummy Smurf has now left behind her pre pregnancy sized clothes, limiting her wardrobe massively, she has discovered clothes from when she was up a clothing size though.

My question for mums, did you go up a size or did you look to pick up some cheap maternity wear from NCT sales and the like?

Class time!

THE day has arrived, we start learning about pregnancy, birth and babies today with a class in Worcester all about options for labour and birth.

Strangely feel like the first day at a new school, not going to know anyone there and wondering whether we will be welcomed.

Of course we will as the only other people there are parents to be in our position but you can't help wondering how it will go.

We are looking forward to it, Mummy Smurf is getting very keen on learning about the birth, she accepts its going to sting so that's a good start.

It's another part of the pregnancy where I know I will have a back seat of sorts as the class will all be about the mums and their tums but I think it'll be interesting none the less.

Let's see how it pans out!

Daddy Brain!

I HAVE daddy brain! That's official

Spoke to a lovely couple yesterday who tragically lost their daughter soon after birth due to a condition known as Edward's Syndrome.

In short they discovered the problem at the 20 week scan which threw me because I have always understood the first 12 weeks were the most dangerous, to find out bad news at 20 weeks must and clearly was heartbreaking.

They have gone on to have another little boy to join their family which includes a four year old boy and had no problems in the third pregnancy.

As a local journalist sometimes you have delicate interviews, previously I would empathise of course but because it was out of my experience zone it would not affect me

However after saying goodbye yesterday I felt incredibly sad, so much so that instead of driving back to the office I parked in town and went for a walk to clear my head.

I felt so sad it could have been Jacob but almost guilty that here I was having a so far healthy little baby and this lovely couple had gone through heartache.

But I guess that's pregnancy, anything can happen at anytime and to anyone, I admired her courage for refusing a termination and bringing her little girl into the world.

I have foregone names as it's not my place to reveal them on a blog when it was something I did for work but do visit their Facebook page and the SOFT UK charity web page, both are linked at the bottom.

Pregnancy is very precious, I made sure I gave Mummy Smurf and Jacob an extra cuddle last night

Ayla's Legacy

SOFT UK

He likes to move it, move it!

I THOUGHT fans of rubbish 90s music would love the blog title!

So we had a weekend of movement, nothing on the outside yet but I think it's fair to say Jacob is Feng Shui ing his living quarters now!

Not a night goes by (yes our son chills during the day) without Mummy Smurf interacting with bump while we are watching TV, she wants me to feel the movement but I can't yet.

However, I did discover a treat at the weekend, listening to her tummy! What an incredible experience! Gurgling and bubbling away you can hear the little one going about his work.

What a lovely feeling, I came downstairs afterwards and felt so moved, it still blows my mind that my little boy is living and growing inside my beautiful and glowing wife (I know I should grasp it by now but hey come on I'm a first timer!)

I feel incredibly attached and involved with the pregnancy, Pam is always encouraging me to listen and interact and I could not be more prouder of her.

We also got a whole host of appointments through as well, including two more scans! Great for us as we can take a peek at Jacob a couple more times before his arrival.

Bad for Mummy Smurf and her bladder though!