Being a dad - six months on!

SO it’s been six months since we became parents. And the good news is we haven’t damaged Jacob in anyway! I’m sure I wasn't alone in thinking in the delivery room, what if I break him?

But, as with most things in fatherhood you soon realise your worries are just frankly ridiculous!

What it has been has been a voyage of discovery and learning, of sleepless nights and fun-filled days.

Nothing in life can prepare you for the actual job of fatherhood, you can learn lots about babycare but nothing prepares you for the emotional hit of holding your own child.

What have I learned? A load, both about myself, about patience and the joy of baby watching. Come on dads, we have all done it, just stopped and watched how our little ones go about their day.

Jacob is just a delight, especially now at six months where he is babbling away and developing a really funny personality. His favourite trick at the moment appears to be looking all sad at either me or his mum.

When he inevitably gets out attention, the cheeky little scamp either smiles so warmly or turns away quickly with a sudden bout of ‘shyness’.

I’ve also learned nothing really matters, a bad day at work can be resolved the moment you walk through the door.

I have been so blessed that as well as a healthy baby, I have the most fabulous wife, a woman born to be a mother and a true natural. But then again I am biased!!!

From the early days of neither of us knowing what the heck we were doing to now, it’s been a wonderful journey so far, long may it continue.

So for those dads to be, let me share some wisdom. Firstly, be there for the birth and see what you want to see, those precious first seconds will be burned on your memory forever

Secondly, get involved in feeding and nappies: Jacob weed on me not once but twice on his first day in the world,  a badge of honour!

Thirdly, during your paternity leave, make sure you do as much round the house as you can, it’s a good chance to learn something new!

And finally, when your baby and your partner/wife sleep, make sure you do as well or at least chill out on the sofa!

Thank you for the memories son, here’s to so many more

 

REVIEW: 90:10 Hoodie

BEING a big fan of hoodies I was delighted to receive an offer to review one from the guys at 90:10 given I’m also 90 per cent grown up, 10 per cent not!

When you become a dad, you find yourself wondering whether you should grow up now and act responsible. But pretty soon you realise you can still have fun and enjoy yourself, just because I’m a dad and in my 30s it doesn’t mean I’m past it, no sir!

I decided to give my 90:10 hoodie the biggest challenge and put it on straight after a shower and straight away I loved the close feel and it certainly kept the heat in.

I liked the look of it immediately, really nice and attractive branding yet not too obvious and off putting for the 90 per cent of me that is grown up!

Comfy to drive in and lark about in, the 90:10 hoodie is well made and stands up to any challenge thrown at it, especially if you always on the go.

One of the first comments from my wife was I looked slimmer in it, so if you’re trying to hide a few pounds lads you know where to look!

While it certainly keeps the heat in during this current cold spell, I imagine it will also be perfect for the spring and summer months.

I went bowling with the guys from work on Friday night and decided to throw it back on as the navy blue looks great with jeans.

The design looks both smart and casual, something which is not always the case with some of the more well-known brands.

I tend to throw on hoodies during the colder months and rely on longer sleeve shirts in the spring and summer.

However, I can easily see me reaching for this on a summer’s evening perhaps when the heat of the day has gone and it’s just a bit nippy. Hopefully I’ll be in a beer garden at the time!

90 per cent grown up is enough for me so it’s refreshing to know others feel the same, so much so they’ve put it on a hoodie!

90 per cent grown up, 10 per cent not = 100 per cent satisfied!

Visit www.9010man.com for more about the range, including a ‘headphone’ hoodie, yes guys now your iPhone has a real home!

Labour's paternity plan is great, but it has to be worthwhile.

THE news this morning that Labour would give new dads four weeks off work after the birth of their baby is very welcome.

Having agonisingly crawled to work two weeks after Jacob was born I would have welcomed another two weeks off, if not just to try and build up the courage to tear myself away from him!

But as many things in politics, a welcome announcement on the surface often becomes less so when you dig down to what we call 'reality'.

Paternity leave is wonderful; two weeks off, the Government pay for it, your annual leave is untouched. Your first two weeks as a daddy are taken care of....

However, when you actually look at what is offered, £138, you soon realise that the devil is indeed in the detail.

I earn roughly £300 a week, meaning had I had two weeks off I would have lost over a week's salary! I'm sure that wasn't the intention when paternity leave was created.

This is not a whinge, far from it, the fact that paternity leave even exists is great and that any contribution from the Government is welcome.

But the moment that little bundle arrives, you immediately think about protecting them and keeping them safe and losing money which could be spent on nappies and the like in the first month is a worry you just don't need.

We are lucky in this country to have fathers of relitavely young children in charge of all three parties, so parenting should remain on the agenda.

Labour have a great idea, it would be great now to see it worked through to ensure new dads aren't forced to use their annual leave.

I don't have the answer, I can only speak as a dad who took one week off the state and one week's annual leave when J was born.

Over to you Mr Miliband!

Why is there a war against dads?

WATCHING your child come into the world is arguably one of the most life-changing events in a man’s life, certainly was for me.

But new research suggests that some fathers should steer clear of the delivery room because they could make the pain of childbirth even worse (!!)

A study by University College London, King's College London and the University of Hertfordshire suggests that women who lack emotional intimacy with their partner experienced more pain if they are on hand.

This 'news' has made the front page of no less than The Times today, what is it with this 'war' on dads?

Surely if we want men to be good dads we need to be involved from the very moment things 'get real'.

We will never experience the aches and pains, the kicks, that wonderful relationship that begins as the tummy expands, surely even the most squeamish men should be allowed to witness the birth of the baby they have helped make?

One minute there is a war against feckless dad who make a woman pregnant and abandon them and the next science is saying actually they shouldn't be there in the first place!

Is there no wonder some men are disconnected from the whole process? Pam would never have accepted me not being in the delivery room. 'Oh I can't cope with seeing her in all that pain' - newsflash it ain't a walk in the park for the mum either!!

No words can adequately express the moment your child arrives into the world. Jacob's entrance will be burned on to my mind forever as will that precious first half an hour cradling this wonderful if messy new arrival.

Instead of banishing dads, let's educate and talk about it. Because the reward is so worth it.

Hello 2015 and thanks for the memories 2014

I KNOW, a year in review post five days after it finished, I’ve been busy!

2014 was a wonderful year as I became a dad for the first time to baby Jacob although I question how he already is five months old, where does the time go.

 

I feel truly humbled to have been blessed with a child and that Pam enjoyed a relatively healthy pregnancy and suffered little ill effects in the aftermath.

We didn’t have the birth we wanted but the greatest gift for any man is to bring his wife and child home, both healthy and happy if a little bewildered by the whole thing!

 

It’s a gift I cherish and am thankful for each day and I am humbled to see my wonderful wife evolve from the kind-hearted person she has always been to the natural mother. I know I am biased but I truly believe she was born to be a mother, I am just thankful I played my part in helping her achieve her destiny.

Also in 2014 I saw good friends become parents, some for the first time in dramatic circumstances and others for the second time, their lives made complete by the welcome arrival of another little bundle.

 

Family members have made decisions about their futures and some dear friends have bounced back from the abyss in style and are now looking down the road to a brighter tomorrow.

I still miss those we have lost but cherish the fact my immediate family all have their health, all apart from my dear mum.

 

Dementia is sadly a permanent resident but the fight in her heart remains, she has never been beaten by anything in her life and dementia, you’ve picked a tough cookie this time.

The mum I know is long gone, but her courage and her will to keep going sustains me and my dad. To anyone coping with dementia I say don’t focus on the present, treasure the memories.

 

So what of 2015? What are you bringing to the party? You’ve got a lot to live up to!

Whatever you have to offer, I will attack every day the same and to everyone reading this may I wish you all a happy, healthy and prosperous 2015.

Finding his hands and other wonderful milestones

I WISH someone had told me that as a parent you will share the joy of your baby's discoveries as much as they do.

Jacob is progressing really well, yes he does have baby eczema and yes he has his grumpy moments, especially when its bed time....

But on the whole he is a relaxed and broadly happy little boy who has brought so much joy into Pam and I's lives and that extends to his discoveries.

As well as making more and more sounds and appearing to want a conversation at times (it's ok to babble back at your child isn't it?) he has developed two particular traits which make me smile and at times laugh.

The first is when he is in his chair, we call it the 'standby' mode. Jacob can go from looking around to suddenly disappearing off deep in thought, moving his hands once in a while.

It's like he is learning on the go, pausing his day to reflect on the new experience and then coming back to us.

The most adorable trait though his how much he has embraced discovering his hands. Despite being part of him since his arrival, he really had no call for them.

That was until he realised they could grab, move things and most adorably, held together. Jacob can spend a good 20 minutes a day simply holding his own hands in different ways.

The look of wonder on his face though is a joy to behold, each combination is greeted with a look as if to say 'ohhh right that's pretty funky'.

Never knew grabbing your hands could be so fun. He is even attempting to hold his milk bottle when he being fed now.

His little hands won't stretch to that yet so there is still a use for daddy lol!  

Bargain Hunt!

No not the TV programme but a blog about the rather silly pleasure I took from Tesco's 'interesting' approach to deals on Pampers nappies.

Pampers New Baby Size 3 (What can I say, Jacob is a growing lad) were on sale in plentiful supply. Packs of 29 were £4 each, a pack of 50 was £10 and a box of 74 for £12.

I do love getting the boxes because they last longer and the boxes can be used for storage once empty, very important when family members keep donating clothes!

But there wasn't any, so worked down to the pack of 50....until I spotted a flaw in Tesco's pricing....

The packs of 29 were £4 each or two for £6. Keen mathematicians among you will have already spotted the bargain. Yes buy two 29 packs and get 58 nappies for £6....eight more nappies for £4 less.

However, that was not the 'highlight' of this shopping trip, get two for £6 and buy a third 29 pack and what do you get?

87 nappies for £10, 37 more nappies than the 50 pack for the SAME PRICE!

In the modern Twitter parlance this would be classed as an #epicfail but it was a very welcome 'fail' by Tesco on this one.

Hopefully they don't notice the flaw for a while, could do with saving money as apparently it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

I hope it's the same in Tesco stores near you, if it is then why not stock up!

The guilt of being a working dad

I don't know if any other dad feels this, I might be the only one but I want to share it in the hope I might not be the only one.

Since Jacob was born, I've been on top of the world, happy, thrilled I have been blessed with such a healthy and happy child.

I've loved every minute, even when he was screaming the place down the first time I was left alone with him!

I've learned a lot about myself and also learned a lot about how to interact with him and help him.

But throughout I have been hit by guilt, the guilt of missing out on special moments and most importantly the guilt of being a 'part-time' dad.

Working as a journalist I normally do 9am to 5.30pm and I don't mind that, but it's the after hours meetings and events I need to sometimes attend which start me off.

I fear Pam is going to feel trapped and doing everything for Jacob, that she has no break when I am out until 9/10pm at night.

Take last Monday for example, I left the house at 8.15am to get to work, did a full day, drove to a council meeting, covered that and then was wanted for some after meetings chats.

I didn't walk back through my front door until 9.10pm, by which time Pam was feeding Jacob his pre bed milk and would be going to bed herself.

So of course I felt guilty she had been with him all day and I hadn't helped at all....

But here's the thing, Pam is utterly supportive and loving about it, she emphasises she can only do that 

BECAUSE I am working and bringing the money home.

She has never once moaned I was away from home, she's been totally brilliant.

I spoke to my dad, who was fantastic and reminded me that I might not think it but I am doing a very important role, bringing the money in to keep a roof over our heads.

And I do get what they are saying, I do. But I still feel yukky and that I am not doing enough to be a hands on and supportive daddy and husband.

Dads? Did you feel like this? Can anyone help me stop feeling so guilty?

Daddyhood and how it changes your life

NEXT week, Jacob would have been with us for a staggering three months and in that time, my haven't things changed!

I've tried to write this blog a number of times but got so far and realised there was another aspect to my life which had changed since I became part of the 'Daddyhood'.

It's been a mind-blowing experience for me, I have adored every second so far and hope it will continue long into the future.

The main change is in me, I am now a lot calmer person, work still infuriates me at times but for some reason I now can just take a breath and move on.

Importantly whatever has happened at work I leave it at work and once go through the front door I am a happy person again.

Sleeping as I have blogged about before is very interesting but its the tiredness which has struck me more.

Previously I could easily be found playing Football Manager or watching TV until the early hours then sleeping and be fine the next day.

Now around 10pm I can feel the tiredness setting in, the TV goes off as does the laptop and my bed calls more.

I have always been quite an emotional person but since becoming a dad a new frontier has opened up, previously didn't get upset about stories involving kids as didn't have one.

Now anything involving children and I can feel the tears and instantly think 'How would I cope?' - Why does parenting do this to you?

We went to an NCT reunion last Saturday and I realised all the mums had different experiences to talk about, natural birth, assisted deliveries and our case c-section.

Yet the dads were exactly the same! How you coping?, er it's been mental, How you finding being back at 

work? Crap Have you done the really bad nappies? Yup

I will end on the biggest mind blown I still can't adjust to, Jacob will be a toddler, a little boy, a young man – I can't picture him as a little toddler running around and talking yet can't wait at the same time!

Our Hospital Visit

TUESDAY saw us visit Birmingham Children's Hospital to look at the extra finger Jacob was born with on both hands.

It's the first time I have ever visited BCH and apart from parking it was a nice experience, a lovely child-friendly hospital which must ease the worries of the little people who sadly need to spend a lot longer than we did there.

Speaking to the specialist she explained she would not touch him until he was a year old and then x-ray his hand to see whether he was double jointed and the extra finger could just be removed or there was more bone to remove.

Strangely we weren't fearful at all because I was born with the same thing Jacob has, an extra finger on both hands! But apart from me and him I can find no other example of this in my family.

The only decision it looks like we will have to make is whether to have both done at once or one at a time, it's a two week healing process so I reckon we ought to grin and bear it for a fortnight leaving our poor Jacob with no hands!

But the specialist was lovely, Jacob of course woke up as he does love to charm ladies in the medical profession!. She spoke to us both in a language we both understood and didn't need to have spent seven years at medical school for.

To be honest the only drama occurred on the way home as the brakes on our car were awfully spongy. Halfway home they became so dangerous that when I braked at just 20mph the back wheels began to skid.

We limped to a garage who were wonderful and repaired our car quickly without hassle and at a very lovely price.

It was a frightening experience for someone who is still very much a novice driver but I was chuffed with the way I coped and didn't carry on driving!

Of course our wonderful son slept through most of it even when he was in his car seat by the side of the road!

Within an hour of being home Jacob was lying on his playmat and together with mummy kept demolishing his little building blocks!

All in all a day of two halves!