Being a dad - six months on!

SO it’s been six months since we became parents. And the good news is we haven’t damaged Jacob in anyway! I’m sure I wasn't alone in thinking in the delivery room, what if I break him?

But, as with most things in fatherhood you soon realise your worries are just frankly ridiculous!

What it has been has been a voyage of discovery and learning, of sleepless nights and fun-filled days.

Nothing in life can prepare you for the actual job of fatherhood, you can learn lots about babycare but nothing prepares you for the emotional hit of holding your own child.

What have I learned? A load, both about myself, about patience and the joy of baby watching. Come on dads, we have all done it, just stopped and watched how our little ones go about their day.

Jacob is just a delight, especially now at six months where he is babbling away and developing a really funny personality. His favourite trick at the moment appears to be looking all sad at either me or his mum.

When he inevitably gets out attention, the cheeky little scamp either smiles so warmly or turns away quickly with a sudden bout of ‘shyness’.

I’ve also learned nothing really matters, a bad day at work can be resolved the moment you walk through the door.

I have been so blessed that as well as a healthy baby, I have the most fabulous wife, a woman born to be a mother and a true natural. But then again I am biased!!!

From the early days of neither of us knowing what the heck we were doing to now, it’s been a wonderful journey so far, long may it continue.

So for those dads to be, let me share some wisdom. Firstly, be there for the birth and see what you want to see, those precious first seconds will be burned on your memory forever

Secondly, get involved in feeding and nappies: Jacob weed on me not once but twice on his first day in the world,  a badge of honour!

Thirdly, during your paternity leave, make sure you do as much round the house as you can, it’s a good chance to learn something new!

And finally, when your baby and your partner/wife sleep, make sure you do as well or at least chill out on the sofa!

Thank you for the memories son, here’s to so many more

 

Why is there a war against dads?

WATCHING your child come into the world is arguably one of the most life-changing events in a man’s life, certainly was for me.

But new research suggests that some fathers should steer clear of the delivery room because they could make the pain of childbirth even worse (!!)

A study by University College London, King's College London and the University of Hertfordshire suggests that women who lack emotional intimacy with their partner experienced more pain if they are on hand.

This 'news' has made the front page of no less than The Times today, what is it with this 'war' on dads?

Surely if we want men to be good dads we need to be involved from the very moment things 'get real'.

We will never experience the aches and pains, the kicks, that wonderful relationship that begins as the tummy expands, surely even the most squeamish men should be allowed to witness the birth of the baby they have helped make?

One minute there is a war against feckless dad who make a woman pregnant and abandon them and the next science is saying actually they shouldn't be there in the first place!

Is there no wonder some men are disconnected from the whole process? Pam would never have accepted me not being in the delivery room. 'Oh I can't cope with seeing her in all that pain' - newsflash it ain't a walk in the park for the mum either!!

No words can adequately express the moment your child arrives into the world. Jacob's entrance will be burned on to my mind forever as will that precious first half an hour cradling this wonderful if messy new arrival.

Instead of banishing dads, let's educate and talk about it. Because the reward is so worth it.

Smiling and other wonderful discoveries

THE most wonderful moment of recent weeks has been Jacob smiling away at both me and his mummy.

After the initial ones which you put down to wind, the moment he smiles lightens my world and makes it a simply wonderful place.

I haven't yet captured it on camera as I altenate between smiling and laughing back at him and simply beam with pride at yet another little development in his life.

There are so many recent examples I could share but my favourite has to be anytime he smiles and then lets out a happy laugh like sound.

Just after a milk feed last Saturday, we were in front of the television and he was switching between staring at this box, looking out the window and back at me.

He looked, he smiled and then was so delighted with his effort he let out the happiest sound.

Other developments in the last few weeks have been an increase in babbling, he's realised he can make different sounds now so we get 'ooohs' 'bahhhhhhh' 'aaaaaahhhhhhh' and all sorts of other wonderful sounds.

And I am delighted to say he now goes on his playmat and plays with the various toys in and around him and doesn't throw up as was his want in the early weeks.

I never realised the pleasure in simply listening to him as he goes about learning about his surroundings.

And of course talking to him is such a joy, especially when he looks and goes 'ooooooooooooooooooo' back!

Development is coming along a treat, and his appetite is the same – 15lb 6 oz and just 11 weeks old.

I always thought I would try and get him to be a footballer, might try rugby league instead!

Daddyhood and how it changes your life

NEXT week, Jacob would have been with us for a staggering three months and in that time, my haven't things changed!

I've tried to write this blog a number of times but got so far and realised there was another aspect to my life which had changed since I became part of the 'Daddyhood'.

It's been a mind-blowing experience for me, I have adored every second so far and hope it will continue long into the future.

The main change is in me, I am now a lot calmer person, work still infuriates me at times but for some reason I now can just take a breath and move on.

Importantly whatever has happened at work I leave it at work and once go through the front door I am a happy person again.

Sleeping as I have blogged about before is very interesting but its the tiredness which has struck me more.

Previously I could easily be found playing Football Manager or watching TV until the early hours then sleeping and be fine the next day.

Now around 10pm I can feel the tiredness setting in, the TV goes off as does the laptop and my bed calls more.

I have always been quite an emotional person but since becoming a dad a new frontier has opened up, previously didn't get upset about stories involving kids as didn't have one.

Now anything involving children and I can feel the tears and instantly think 'How would I cope?' - Why does parenting do this to you?

We went to an NCT reunion last Saturday and I realised all the mums had different experiences to talk about, natural birth, assisted deliveries and our case c-section.

Yet the dads were exactly the same! How you coping?, er it's been mental, How you finding being back at 

work? Crap Have you done the really bad nappies? Yup

I will end on the biggest mind blown I still can't adjust to, Jacob will be a toddler, a little boy, a young man – I can't picture him as a little toddler running around and talking yet can't wait at the same time!

In praise of the NHS - part two

I'VE put part two as I am pretty sure I have wrote good things about the NHS on this blog before....

Part of the wonderful experience of being new parents was the care we had from the midwives and surgeons at Worcestershire Royal Hospital.

From Pam Jones and her team the weekend before Jacob was born, to Ellie, Ali and Katie after his arrival, Pam was in safe hands throughout her time in hospital.

Midwives are the unsung heroes of the NHS, we were so well looked after from actual care to them just sitting and talking for a moment or two answering our newbie questions!

Ellie was wonderful on the delivery date itself, looked after Pam all the way into theatre and kept nice and calm when Jacob was born and needed just a little help to get started.

Even when she was called away to care for another lady in labour, she found the time to come back at the end of her shift and apologise - even though she was sharing her talents and helping another woman bring new life into the world.

The post natal staff were just as wonderful, they could not have done more to help Pam breastfeed but sadly Jacob was too laid back to latch on. A problem he still has now when he has his bottle!

But the care was exceptional, support and advice was forever on hand despite the ward being busier than Kings Cross at rush hour on numerous occasions.

It makes you appreciate what we have for free in this country, the NHS is an institution which needs to be modernised and nursed back to health.

To all midwives, I salute you. To all those who helped us from August 13 to August 16 I thank you on behalf of Pam and of the not so little Jacob!

Welcome Jacob Edward James George

THURSDAY, August 14 was quite simply the best day of my life as it saw the birth of Jacob via c-section.

I have tried to sit down many times to record the day with a blog but don’t feel I ever had the words until now, two weeks on.

After an overnight stay, I got to Worcestershire Royal for just after 8am, Pam had already been seen by the anaesthetist who was friendly and very calming influence.

The surgeons who would perform the c-section arrived soon after and were again very professional and personable.

They asked us if we knew the sex as apparently they had done a c-section before and announced the arrival of a baby girl, to blank faces from mum and dad who did not know what they were having!

A quick scan confirmed Jacob was indeed breech still and then it was a slow walk to the theatre, Pam went for her spinal block while I changed into some delightful scrubs. Don’t worry, no pictures exist of how I looked!

Pretty soon it was time for me to go in, I thought I would go a bit weak seeing all the equipment but a very calm state descended over me.

The lovely midwife popped me on a chair next to Pam’s head and once the anaesthetic did its thing it was time to bring Jacob into the world.

Apart from a bit of pulling, you wouldn’t have known what was taking place and then came the moment that will live with me forever.

Jacob was born and held above the partition for us to see, our gorgeous little boy melted both our hearts by looking straight at his mummy!

He was checked over and didn’t go pink as quickly as they would have liked, of course as soon as the paediatric nurse was paged he soon responded.

But I was soon asked to go over and say hello and cut the remainder of the cord, a nice touch by the hospital to ensure the dad can experience the sensation.

I did think it would be very spongy but it’s actually really gristly and tough, comforting in a way to know something so hard-wearing fed him for nine months!

After a short while in recovery, including plenty of male bonding, we were back in delivery (no rooms in the antenatal inn) and I got to speak to family and friends and let them know the good news.

Dads, give yourself a minute before you call people to let them know, I spent a good minute just rambling with excitement!

We ended the first day on antenatal, I handled the first two nappies which any new dad MUST do, as you get the badge of honour of being weed on then!

All in all it was a momentous day which Pam and I won’t forget in a hurry, 10.31am on 14/08/14  is a moment I will treasure forever

Dear Jacob

WELL son, today's the day.

Thursday, August 14 will be your birthday and while me and your mum didn't expect things to happen like this we can't wait to meet you.

We've had a wonderful journey since your mum came bounding into the bedroom in January to say you were on the way.

From the first scan where you had everything you should have and were healthy to the 20 week scan where we found you were a Jacob, it's a been a voyage of discovery.

You have entertained us with your movements, your obliging nature every time a midwife needed to listen to your heartbeat and your kicks whenever I seemingly spoke.

But you have grown healthy and seemingly happy despite mummy's diabetes (I'll fill you in on it all when you are a little older).

And now it's time to come join us on the outside. Sorry about that but you have to admit there is hardly any room where you are now!

You'll see a light tomorrow little man and some hands, don't be afraid. He is there to help you out into the world and see me and your mum.

She'll be the one lying down, she not being lazy just staying still because of reasons you don't need to know yet. Let's just say if you like sunroofs it won't be a surprise.....

As for me, I will be the one looking and asking questions. Not because I'm a journalist but because I'm nosey.

I won't lie to you mate, I will probably be blubbing but hey I guess you will as well so anything to make you feel at home.

There's plenty to discover little man, I can't wait to share the journey with you.

Oh and in case I forget to say it, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

And then there was Sunday...

OUR mad weekend continued with a trip into hospital on Sunday for some steroid injections to get J's lungs up to speed for the c-section on Thursday.

After driving through a monsoon, we were settled in by Pam Jones and her wonderful team at Worcestershire Royal Hospital's delivery suite and the day was mapped out.

Two steroid injections 12 hours apart and should she be OK then discharge on Monday, apart from being on a insulin drip to regulate her diabetes as steroids can make her blood sugars go funny.

Early blood sugar readings were good and while rather painful, the steroid injection passed without incident so after some lunch I was dispatched to Walsall to see my mum and spend time with my dad on his actual birthday.

I came back for the second injection, blood sugars were all good and the second injection passed without alarm. I left on Sunday night full of hope Pam would be back with me at home on Monday afternoon at latest.

HOWEVER, after going into work to get my mind off things on Monday morning I had a call. Jacob was showing to be rather disgruntled on the CTG and I should get over there.

Redditch to Worcester has never gone so quick....of course when I got there the scene was complete calm, his disgruntled state had once again returned to complete calm, the opposite of daddy!

Long story short, he wasn't distressed as babies don't return to calm once distressed but he was unhappy with something and may have tugged his cord or clasped it between his legs or even got tangled up briefly.

Suffice to say a Monday discharge looked unlikely but J seemed to sense mummy was a little upset and when the CTG was repeated at 1pm he was very happy, plenty of gymnastics and content heartbeat.

So we were evicted at 3pm! Mummy Smurf came back to her castle with instructions to return to the hospital at 8pm on Wednesday.

Jacob, you will be evicted on Thursday, no sooner please! We have a CTG again at 12.30pm today, please behave for it!

I'm going to be a dad......IN SIX DAYS!

SO off we went to the consultant this morning for another scan, full of confidence that we had the next two weeks before baby's arrival....

Just over an hour later, we walked out having been told we would meet the not so little Jacob in just SIX DAYS.

The scan went well and everything is healthy with the boy but he has had a bit of a growth spurt and maybe even as much as 8lb 13oz now.

Still we thought we might be ok but in with the consultant obstetrician everything became clear. J is breech still despite his clear wander down into her pelvis the other day he's gone back to his comfy position.

The wonderful Mrs Duckett at Worcestershire Royal explained the risks very well, she is concerned about the weight he could put on between now and August 22. But also a normal delivery could cause shoulder dystocia. So she suggested a c-section and next Thursday (August 14).

Pam has to go to hospital this weekend for steroid injections to ensure his lungs are up to speed ready for the big arrival and sometime on Thursday he will be with us.

How do I feel? A tiny bit disappointed it has ended this way but to be honest the wonderful Mrs Duckett was simply superb in how she tackled it, she is a credit to the NHS and has offered to try and turn J on Monday if Pam want's to attempt a natural birth.

I am excited though because I will be holding my little boy on Thursday, our pregnancy journey is almost at an end and a fantastic voyage of discovery is about to begin.

The Daddy Smurf is about to welcome Baby Smurf!

Scans, surprises and suites

ONCE again we found ourselves at the hospital, no real surprise as I think the car can drive itself there now.

Friday was scan day and what a lovely day we had, firstly the scan which Jacob really can’t be doing with now, he fidgets as soon as the gel goes on. My boy likes his privacy!

It’s strange as any check of the heartbeat that is done sees J do all he can so help everyone on the outside hear it.

He’s also developing a rather cute party trick of kicking for anyone that might ask to feel Pam’s bump, bringing delight to many…charmer!

Despite the fidgeting, he does relent and offered his mum and dad a surprise while the sonographer was looking at his feet.

We knew he was ‘almost certainly’ a boy but J decided to make sure and proceeded to give us all a quick flash…like I said charmer!!

After that Pam won huge praise for how she has controlled her diabetes during the pregnancy and, while J currently measures above the line on the growth chart, it concluded a fantastic day for us.

The next day saw us back at Worcestershire Royal for a tour of the delivery suite, something which initially I thought might be a bit of a waste of time.

I mean you don’t look at the dentists where you will have the root canal, nor look at the theatre you will have an operation so why look where you will have your baby.

It will have a bed and all the gubbins you see on programmes like One Born Every Minute so why visit?

Well, how wrong was I, what a lovely afternoon and how reassuring it was to see the layout of the place where J will breathe his first breath.

The lovely midwife Dawn had eight couples on her hands including Pam and I but was thoughtful and relaxed as she took us round the delivery suite.

First stop was the birthing pool suite, Worcestershire Royal only has one birthing pool suite but wowzer how deep is the pool? It’s the depth of a swimming pool, I can totally see why mums love it now as it must be like taking the world’s biggest bath!

There are blow up pools though and each delivery room has an en-suite so any water based pain relief could be taken care of.

We were taken round the whole delivery suite, including a glimpse into the theatre which was not in use when we visited.

Although I hope our journey doesn’t end in c-section, it could and more power to the midwives at Worcestershire Royal for tackling the fear head on, I hope it calmed the nerves of some.

A tour around antenatal followed and I have to say the facilities were first class and an ideal way for us to welcome J into the world.

A huge thanks to Dawn and the team on the day, when she was asked why it was rather quiet despite eight of the nine delivery rooms being ‘in use’ she responded: “I don’t think any are at the stage where they are making much noise yet”.

I suspect things might have got louder when we left!

 

 

My c-section experience!

NO I haven’t gone mad or had a weird dream, last night at our excellent Birth Choices workshop, the lovely Helen and Jo staged what the room would be like for those facing a caesarean section.

The only caveat was a dad had to play the part of mum to be on the table (three chairs pushed together). And given the fact I fancied a lie down (and probably have a pregnant looking belly myself!) I volunteered my services.

Everyone else in the group was given roles to show who to expect in the theatre if the need arises or when you go in for the section.

Not only that but various tags listing the equipment which a mum would have put on her were attached to me with pegs and string!

It was an excellent way to showcase what will happen and I think really opened many of the mums eyes and credit Jo and Helen for staging such an exercise to break down the barriers.

As a man I know I won’t face the experience from the table but what struck me was that it’s actually a little intimidating lying there with people standing over you.

I wonder whether any mums who had sections felt like that or was the knowledge you would soon meet your baby enough to make you ignore any feelings of fear.

I can only repeat what I said on an earlier blog, if you are parents to be in Worcestershire, do find out more about Jo and Helen’s classes. They are good value and very intimate so you are not part of a huge group.

Neither of them preach any particular approach to pregnancy or birth, they tell you whatever you feel you need to know.

Follow the link to find out more!

http://www.worcester-antenatal.co.uk/