Daddyhood and how it changes your life

NEXT week, Jacob would have been with us for a staggering three months and in that time, my haven't things changed!

I've tried to write this blog a number of times but got so far and realised there was another aspect to my life which had changed since I became part of the 'Daddyhood'.

It's been a mind-blowing experience for me, I have adored every second so far and hope it will continue long into the future.

The main change is in me, I am now a lot calmer person, work still infuriates me at times but for some reason I now can just take a breath and move on.

Importantly whatever has happened at work I leave it at work and once go through the front door I am a happy person again.

Sleeping as I have blogged about before is very interesting but its the tiredness which has struck me more.

Previously I could easily be found playing Football Manager or watching TV until the early hours then sleeping and be fine the next day.

Now around 10pm I can feel the tiredness setting in, the TV goes off as does the laptop and my bed calls more.

I have always been quite an emotional person but since becoming a dad a new frontier has opened up, previously didn't get upset about stories involving kids as didn't have one.

Now anything involving children and I can feel the tears and instantly think 'How would I cope?' - Why does parenting do this to you?

We went to an NCT reunion last Saturday and I realised all the mums had different experiences to talk about, natural birth, assisted deliveries and our case c-section.

Yet the dads were exactly the same! How you coping?, er it's been mental, How you finding being back at 

work? Crap Have you done the really bad nappies? Yup

I will end on the biggest mind blown I still can't adjust to, Jacob will be a toddler, a little boy, a young man – I can't picture him as a little toddler running around and talking yet can't wait at the same time!

Going back to work....:-(

I WOULD like to complain, no antenatal class teaches you how to cope when the day comes for you to return to work....

Monday was easily the hardest thing I have ever done, after two weeks of feeding, changing, going on walks and generally being a hands-on daddy, the need to earn money prised me away.

I did do my best toddler impression and tried to throw a tantrum (in my mind, the wife doesn't need two babies!) but the time had come.

I could have course not gone but pretty soon we'd have had no house and I don't think it's fair to put a newborn in a cardboard box.

Pam was amazing and did his night feeds so I could get some sleep ahead of going back to work but when the alarm went it was still full of dread.

I just about got dressed and made my lunch before it was time to say goodbye. Held my emotions at the bedroom door and then said goodbye to Pam and to Jacob who I swear deliberately looked even more 

adorable just to add to the moment.

But despite nearly being in tears on the way to work, they both had a wonderful day and have had a great week, me going back has given Pam a surge of confidence and I could not be prouder of her.

As a result I feel better, yes I miss them like crazy when I am at work and wondering what they are doing.

However, Jacob needs his mummy and needs his daddy to love him and care for him but also protect him and the best way I can do that is keep a roof over his head.

Should dads have longer at home? I think so yes but to be honest the levels of paternity pay from the Government are pitiful.

I lost £200 from my salary and that was only with one week's paternity leave and the other as annual leave.

But there is no better feeling than driving home from a day at work knowing you will see your loving partner 

and baby.

I adore walking in and taking over to give Pam a break, hillariously last night I walked in just before a feed so changed his nappy, started to feed and what did Jacob do? Fill his nappy.

Talk about a welcome home......parenthood eh?

Our First Days as a Mummy and Daddy

WE SURVIVED!! Well we have for the first two weeks anyway. Mission one of parenting, don’t kill it has been achieved!

It’s been an eye-opening two weeks, funny because a lot of the time Jacob kept his eyes closed!!!!

And everybody who said it would turn my world upside down was absolutely correct, life as we know it changed massively on August 14.

The biggest lesson I have learned though is to watch my son, his cues nearly always give a guide as to what he wants at that moment.

Oh and to not panic, those early days when they cry for no apparent reason can sometimes solved with more feeds, especially if they are trying to regain their birth weight as Jacob has been.

The Sunday night after we came home saw both of us have meltdowns, it’s only the next day we looked at things and realised he was just after another feed!

Hindsight is very important for new parents!

I’ve learned a lot about myself, especially if I relax and let my instinct take over I am actually quite good at taking care of him.

I have also learned that there is another level above love, I love Pam and would do anything for her but Jacob….just looking at him sleep can make me feel WOW

To any dads to be, some advice:

-          ALWAYS sleep when they sleep when you get home, you will need it and it’s amazing how the extra power gained with a lunchtime nap sustains you during the 3am feed.

-          Tackle nappies as soon as you can, they don’t smell during the first few days so it’s a good chance to hone the changing skill before the smelly ones arrive.

-          Being weed on is a badge of honour, you can learn to try and block it but the clever so and so’s work around it…

-          Try and do as much as you can for your beloved, it will be appreciated.

-          If you need to go out in first few days after you come home, walk to the shop if you can. Fresh air is wonderful and you might feel a little spaced out.

-          Be prepared your normally sharp brain may be a little fuzzy,  for example you might go to the bank to pay a cheque in and forget to take your wallet……

But most importantly, enjoy it! It’s a wonderful voyage of discovery and one I am so glad I brought a ticket for!

Breasts, pumps and blogger meet ups!

LAST Friday I was invited by blogger extraordinare Emma Harris aka @MeTheManAndBaby to the breastfeeding group run by the Vale of Evesham NCT.

I'm not going to lie, the offer of cake was also a factor but I have never met any of my fellow bloggers and having one on the doorstep, well it seemed rude not to.

Seriously though, I was also asked along to consider a feature for the paper and I am delighted to say Jane Watson-Davis, the organiser has already got in touch with some information.

What I found was a lovely welcoming group where mums were comfortable feeding and got the help and support they needed.

What really came over though is the potential for easing the minds of new mums when it comes to breastfeeding.

Groups like this allow mums to ask questions and not worry or have to go to the doctor with a 'concern' which turns out to be perfectly normal.

Surely that is a good thing? I was also chuffed to see a few dads on hand as well, we might not have the boobies but we can be useful hehe.

A lovely feature is the NCT also run a group next door for the older children, meaning once they are no longer baby and toddlers they can still be involved with their new little brother or sister.

And mums to be were also there to get used to the group before baby arrives, Jane recommended anyone who wants to breastfeed get along to an NCT breastfeeding group before birth to say hello.

I reckon they only do it though to have a look at the bumps!

I also got to hold little Charlotte Harris and over the moon she didn't burst out crying when handed to me, as most babies usually do when passed to the 'Childcatcher' LOL.

It was a bit worrying when she went looking for food, my man breasts are a little flabby but I have not seen milk yet!

My talents also extended to making another little boy smile, maybe the little people have accepted I will be a father so won't be crying in my presence from now on?

All in all a fabulous time, Emma even kindly invited Mummy Smurf to the next one, we might yet take her up on that offer

Hang on, I never got any cake!

I'm sure you don't need the address but do visit @MeTheManAndBaby and her blog at www.methemanandthebaby.co.uk 

I'm thinking of a career change

WOO HOO 50 POSTS!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway now that is out of the way, I can start talking sense...what do you mean that would make a change???

I'VE had a strange feeling the last few days, the feeling that I want to leave my career behind and go down a different path, that of a male antenatal teacher.

This experience preparing us for J's arrival has really opened my eyes and shown me what an important role dads have for their partners through the pregnancy, birth and beyond.

But I have also seen how men can become disconnected with the process, like when you are virtually ignored at midwive appointments and the like.

And I don't know whether it's the giddyness of becoming a dad or just frustration with my current job as a local journalist but I really am thinking of retraining to become an antenatal teacher.

I have had so much help from the likes of Dean Beaumont at DaddyNatal and through the NCT course it has made me think what I can do to help other men becoming dads for the first time.

Without both courses I would be really dense about parenthood and while I appreciate there are many great dads like my good friend Craig aka @ADayInThisDadsLife who did no classes at all, some men (me) do need to learn the basics before baby's arrival.

It was interesting to talk about it at our most recent NCT class and even more so to find Isabelle our teacher was in full support and questioned why there were not more male antenatal teachers in the UK.

Pregnancy highlights the difference between the sexes in my opinion. Women are concerned about their changing body but begin to bond with their baby from a very early stage and obviously have all the attention, as they should.

Men are congratulated and have to make the connection themselves such as touching her belly and talking to the bump but experience no body changes other than the well known sympathy belly...that's my excuse anyway!

It's easy for a man to become disconnected and not involved, none of the changes actually happen to you but there is so much you can do be a great dad before your baby is even born.

I've learned that and do feel like I want to maybe pass on my knowledge to other dads to be, a brave move I know and could be a silly idea but hey, it would be a radical career change!

My biggest fear is...

NAPPIES, there I said it. I am not scared of not feeding him, killing him, exposing him to a deadly virus (ooo someone watched too much 24!) but I am frightened about changing J's bum.

The amount of nappy related dreams I have had this pregnancy has now caused  a real fear, from putting it on the wrong way to not being able to seal it up - I think I am going to be a disaster in the blast zone.

Everything looks just so fiddly and combine that with a wriggly baby, it is the recipe for disaster.

I had the chance to tackle one (on a doll but they all count) at the NCT class and was so fingers and thumbs I swear the plastic child on the changing met did another wee while I was fiddling about!

I need to practice before J's arrival and have contemplating asking my Twitter friends if I can pop round when it's bum change time but realised that would be a jolly good way to lose said friends....

I am stuck, I am throwing myself on the blogging fraternity here to ask for tips and advice but please can someone tell me they felt exactly the same when their partners were pregnant.

I think it's because the feeding will probably be taken care of by Pam herself, I am viewing tackling the end zone as my role in this parental comedy.

The worse thing is I am not actually bothered or even thought about what smells await yet or getting weed on, not that I have fetish for that sort of thing you understand! More that these 'worries' have taken so much of my time up I haven't yet contemplated what delights J has stored up for me.

Any help or support would be greatly appreciated and if anyone has the number for Nappy Changers Anonymous that would be great....

I did find this thanks to Tesco Baby Club so anyone with the same fear, here's a stress reliever of sorts! http://www.tesco.com/babyclub/baby/changing/how_to_change_a_disposable_nappy.page

NCT Session 3 - Caring for Baby

SO THAT'S it, we are ready to be parents!

Three NCT sessions done and dusted with all the skills we may need for labour, birth and the early days.

Am I ready? Nope! But that is not the fault of Isabelle who hosted a fabulous course.

Saturday's session began with taking a look at bathing a baby, changing nappies, sleeping, swaddling and baby wearing.

It was great to finally get my hands on a nappy, albeit around a doll and not a wriggly baby and whose contents were artificial not real!.

I wasn't as fingers and thumbs as I expected but more practice on the old co-ordination is needed, as expected the mums to be were all experts first time...

What was pleasing was Isabelle did go into more detail about bottle feeding and the session really did show

that whatever way you feed your baby, you will do a good job.

After a very lovely pizza lunch, we split up and discussed how the arrival of our babies would impact on us.

Suffice to say sleep, cheeky nights with DVD and wine are now probably out unless J is a heavy sleeper who loves a routine!

What I found really useful was a session with my fellow dads to be to discuss impending fatherhood and how we really can be involved in a major way.

That is the pleasing thing about these sessions, yes they are very female focused but with the right tutor dads are made to feel very important.

The highlight though was a visit from three new mums and dads and their little babies! A huge thanks to all three for sharing their first time experiences and answering a load of questions!

Mother Nature nearly brought on a few labours though with an amazing thunder and lightening blast very close to the venue which sounded like an explosion.

No waters were broken though and the babies on the outside didn't flinch at all, I guess they really do have no fear.

The honesty with which the new parents spoke about labour, birth, breastfeeding and the early days was amazing and really topped off a lovely course.

Dads, sometimes it's a little mum focused but if you are a first timer, book a place on a course near you, you won't regret what you learn and the friends you make.

We both have made some really good friends as a result, next stop BABY!

NCT Session 2 - Breastfeeding

BOOBS, nipples and poo filled my Saturday morning yet it's still almost six weeks until J graces us with his presence.

Yes, it was time for the breastfeeding session of the NCT antenatal classes and yet again what an eye opener for this rather dense dad to be.

I started the sessions thinking I knew a fair bit, well ok just enough education to perform my duties, but turns I am a complete newbie.

Again the teacher was lovely, breastfeeding consultant Alison Needham was a delight, very passionate about her subject but not one-eyed enough to suggest the mums to be would be murdering their child slowly if they didn't breastfeed!

She breastfed her three sons and is very knowledgeable about the subject but has a great way in walking mums to be through the process, breaking down what clearly is an emotional rollercoaster for mums desperate to breastfeed and also desperate not to 'fail'.

We learned a lot about the stages of breast milk from the colostrum to the proper milk and she walked us through a typical day, using cue cards at relevant times.

One of the cards mentioned unexpected visitors who want to be waited on hand and foot - let me tell you now any visitor in the first month who expects that will be pointed to the kitchen themselves!

Now, I am going to get dirty...not in the way you are all thinking you mucky pups!

See one of the cards also said 'Matthew' (the imaginary baby used in this day) had done a poo and it had gone 'all up his back'.

This was quite a shock, I know the brown stuff is going to be catastrophically smelly but did think from the adverts for nappies any explosion would be contained, clearly not!

I clearly need more preparation in that area! After a short break us dads got together to discuss certain situations which all just need a little common sense approach but it's good to hear we are all pretty much in the same boat.

We were then treated to a video about breastfeeding, again I never quite knew how a baby actually did it but I do now!

I would say it was far more useful for Pam than for me but certainly opened my eyes and that is never a bad thing, thanks to Alison for her time and expertise.

One more session to go then apparently we will be 'ready' for parenthood, eeek!

NCT Session 1 - Labour and Birth

SO we are through to the other side of our first NCT antenatal session and it was rather an eye opener to say the least.

Teacher Isabelle Karimov is welcoming and warm as were the other six couples joining Pam and I for the experience.

After the initial ‘how do you do’s’ we were asked to split into mums and dads for what we wanted to get out of the course.

Being blokes we were a) practical and b) worried about asking the wrong question for fear of incurring the wrath of our heavily pregnant beloveds so came up with five points.

Of course the mums to be did more, they split it into categories and everything – the only thing missing was some sort of colour coding!

Anyway discussions were had, we went first to a relatively positive reception and some amusement was had one of the mums to be said they feared about ‘losing their figures’. The mum to be expressed her opinion she was surprised we hadn’t mentioned anything about it.

I became alpha male for the first time EVER and gently explained we felt it was more than our life’s worth to have said such a thing!

Discussions on the build up to labour and birth itself were again informative and led us to discover more about the placenta.

Now don’t get me wrong I adore the placenta, it’s feeding J, sorting out all the good stuff for him to enjoy and yes it’s a play thing for my son if he gets bored of growing, eating and sleeping.

But hearing people actually eat it, mmmm that’s one step too far for me and hearing from one couple their friend FROZE theirs after the birth of their baby was also rather ‘interesting’.

By the way, their baby is now four….

After an enjoyable lunch of chatting and nice food, we went on to look at various pain reliefs and positions for birth and I even got to roll a tennis ball up and down Pam’s back…

Given my skill with it I am apparently Britain’s number two tennis player but I digress…..

Pictures of labour and birth (don’t worry fellas, nothing too graphic) concluded a rather fun day for daddy, mummy and hopefully J although he slept throughout.

Overall is it worth it, yes I think it is, you meet nice people, all of whom are in the same situation as you and crucially due around the same time as you.

The Bumps and Babies magazine (below) is very useful as is the antenatal pack (below) and certainly worth a read.

Bring on the breast……feeding session next week!