Thursday, 3 April 2014

Are dad’s really excluded?

A lot has been written about dad’s being excluded in appointment’s and indeed in pregnancy itself.

I have read some books and daddy bloggers posts to get a sense of how other people feel and how I should feel.
And honestly yes we are ‘excluded’ but not in the way you think.  We can’t carry the baby, we can’t experience those hormones and how things grow and change, we can only understand and empathise as dads to be.

We won’t feel the baby kick inside us and we will not go through birth. So there is an exclusion of sorts but I don’t feel left out because I have tried to learn what Pam is probably feeling at all stages so far and if it’s good I get involved and enjoy.
If it’s tiredness, nausea or wobbly hormones, I support. I can’t feel it but I can help and that means more to me than anything!

I had the perfect result on Tuesday when she told me that she could only do it with the love and support she has gotten from me! That will do me fine.
And in terms of appointments, we dads are again ‘excluded’, midwife did so on Tuesday but again, it’s not about us! Pam gets all the attention and I was virtually ignored, but that’s ok as we aren’t there for me!

If I was made to feel uncomfortable then yes perhaps it would really be exclusion but truth is while the midwife hardly said a word to me, my presence was not unwelcome.

I am a newbie in the dad’s club so granted I might not exactly be an expert but fellas, always go to the important appointments, understand what she is experiencing and support her.
The truth is blokes, our ladies are the stars of the show until d-day and then we all know who then takes the leading role.

But you can’t put on a play without an excellent support cast, so don’t be afraid of the role.

Embrace it and enjoy it!




  1. Really glad to read you have a positive attitude on this one! You're certainly right that the mums are the star of the show, and also that us Dad's need to be with her as much as we can to support her (and the baby when (s)he finally arrives!

    For me, the feeling of exclusion comes from midwives, hospital staff, day carers etc. (and even other mums...including MIL) who seem to think that the Dad doesn't need to be there (after all, he's not carrying the baby, or giving birth...) and that his only function as a Dad is for conception.

    I think that the joys (and worries) of fatherhood permeate through all stages of pregnancy (obviously on a different level!) and beyond!

  2. Hi Paul

    Thanks for the comment, I can't imagine I am right but it's just the way I feel. I think we live in a practical universe at times where if things are not happening to you then you are a bit part player.

    Mum has the bump, the contractions and the pushing. A dad is a loving care giver, he empathises, supports and loves. Together with the midwifery profession we all team up to get baby out!